Some Might Say...

2010-11-16T23:00:00.002+08:00

Thank you readers for all the support throughout the years. I really appreciate the fact that you spared a few aimless moments of your life reading through my nonsensical entries.

I love writing but due to obligations in life, I don't think I can carry on writing the way I used to. Therefore, I've decided to just stop writing here altogether. Life does not revolve around us hence a change has to be made.

You readers can add me on Twitter. I'm active there.

http://twitter.com/#!/relinquish69

Drop me an email before adding me of course. I'm not good at dealing with strangers.

Again. I thank everyone for their support all these years.

Jerry Lin, signing off.

2010-10-21T23:45:00.002+08:00

I wish someone could teach me how to do mindless blogging again. I totally forgot how it is like to draft an entry out in 5 minutes.

I like to complicate things for some reason. Maybe I should tone down a little.

2010-07-10T23:34:00.004+08:00

Feelings are unnecessary in decision making. I understand the meaning of that sentence completely. Why? Because that is what Jerry version 5 (JV5) is all about.

It is of course, easier said than done. I know very well that I have a problem denying my true self.

JV5 nothing more than a container for Jerry version 4 (JV4) to hide away in.

You thought JV4 was buried next to all his predecessors right?

You thought he moved on but cliche as it might sound, you thought wrong.

I wonder who would have the chance to see that side of me that has made the decision to reject the entire world. I dare say, JV4 is so good at what he does that he could easily replace for Wally in a case where he reports sick for work.

And you think you are depressed.

Who do you want me to be? It is true that I can most probably be that person you want me to be but you'd have to give me a few good reasons why I should accommodate to that selfish request of yours.

Being myself is the best? If that were the case, I guess I'm really hopeless by myself.

Shinderera

2010-07-04T12:00:00.004+08:00

Update! As of 20/05/2010, Jerry is no longer a freeter. Living my life to the fullest is not a valid option at this point.

Yes, I am employed! It took me 7 months of slacking to realise that I don't have enough funds to sustain my current lifestyle. With PVC figurine makers like Alter, Good Smile Company & Maxfactory releasing so many desirable figurines that come along with undesirable price tags, something has to be done. Eating grass for all 3 meals can only do so much & no one is going to buy my messed up organs therefore selling them is definitely out of the question.

Being anal with regards to things like job location & description, my options were as limited as the funds in my wallet. Obviously, being picky wasn't going to get me far. However at the same time, I was neither prepared to make up for lost sleep on my journey to work nor do hard physical labour. Also, girls do not appreciate dark eye circles & rough palms.

No one likes an alcoholic (or someone who has a face that fits that description).

These might seem like a bunch of excuses I've made for the sole purpose of indicating to you guys that I have a problem stepping out of my comfort zone but I assure you, that is not the case :).

It doesn't make much sense to come to class only to sleep through the entire lesson. I'd rather head straight home after work & fall into my eternal slumber. However, that is nothing more than a figure of speech because the reality of life would never fail to send a gentle reminder in the form of a nightmare to wake me up from my sleep. I should get used to waking up in trepidation, at least for the next 3 years. I wonder if my sanity would still be intact after that period of time.

After looking at my preordered purchases that would be arriving in the not so distant future, I knew instantly that I didn't have the luxury of time to be selective. In the very next instant, I was spamming my resume aimlessly to any company willing to offer me a place. Desperation might not be an ideal option but it was the only option for me.

I decided to accept the first offer presented to me since I was sick of playing the waiting game. My position? Sales Engineer. Yeah the title sounds nice but that is all there is to it.

I was lucky in a sense that I came in alone on my first day of work meaning the people there had an easier time to get to know me since there was only 1 person to acquaint themselves with. Thank goodness my first contact was not the worst contact. In fact, it was probably the best contact compared to the others (at least at this point in time). If only I could channel that luck to fuel other purposes like winning the lottery or meeting the love of my life.

I had a little bit of a culture shock because I've worked in places where you'd hardly see people within the marrying / early parent category. In my case, this was my first encounter with such people since I don't know anyone else who fits the bill within my own social circle (probably 1mm in diameter). Hence, I found extreme difficulty in entering their conversations. I need more time to work on that. Breaking a huge block of ice is hard work (especially more so when there is more than 1 block of ice)!

Too nice to break this block of ice.

It would be really awkward to ramble on about my daughter obsession even though the two topics have quite a few similarities. Imagine, people would label me as that mad perverted guy for life! Soon I'd be rejected by society & progressively slip into depression. The Jerry you once knew would inevitably turn into a hikikomori living in his rented room surrounded by garbage.

Since I don't want my dream of having a daughter to be shattered into tiny bits & pieces, my first impression to everyone has to be good. Unfortunately, all I could do was listen since commenting is not a feasible option. Think before you say something to a complete stranger that you'd be working with because that would determine your working environment in the end. It would also help to know the definition of the word "tact".

やろう (Bastard)! I'll teach you what tact is all about!

I know that I am unable to please everyone & even if I wanted to, it'd take quite a while. When you step into a new environment, it takes a lot of time and effort to even be able step up onto the plate. Unless of course, you are OL material. Now that, is an entirely different story altogether. In such a case, the world will pave the way for you. No need to lift a finger. Only gripe is, it's for a limited time only (when your face shows signs of aging, no longer have your hourglass figure or even scarred by some freak accident). When that time comes, would you be able to handle things on your own?

My probation period spans for 6 months. After being accepted, I should get a new posting which offers more benefits in terms of transportation. It is possible for me to get a car now but it makes no sense paying $70 a month for parking when I'm receiving a meagre salary. Since I have no need for a chick magnet at this point, taking a bus would be the most practical option.

However if that turns out to be nothing more than an empty promise, it's time to ~~flip tables & make a big fuss~~ think things through one more time & make other plans.

I am glad I made the first step. This being my first real job, I had a lot of exposure. If I were to compare it to the sun's rays, I would have died a heat stroke almost instantly. Experience is always a good thing. I’m happy... in the meantime.

At least my work desk looks inviting (at least to me)

That's all for this update :).

2010-05-07T00:36:00.003+08:00

My future is on someone else's hands.

All I can do is wait.

The anxiety, I can't take it.

Ghost Town

2010-04-28T01:04:00.018+08:00

This entry is way overdue! My sincere apologies!

I gave the entire "你不了解女人的心 (You do not understand a woman's heart)" issue a significant amount of thought & yes, I've arrived to a conclusion (took you long enough).

Although I never really had the luxury of time to lie on my bed, stare at the wall & ponder about life, I'd never be satisfied if I left this matter alone. I've learned over the years that when someone tells you that there is a problem, chances are there is. It's a matter of whether you choose to be oblivious or not.

Think thrice before you start folding your arms & educating me about how ignorance is bliss. In all honesty, I can only think of so few situations where that overused phrase can fit in ever so nicely. For everything else, you're the one missing out, not me.

I started by gathering opinions from all sorts of people regarding the argument at hand. The idea was to search for some common ground in the midst of everything. It's times like these where I listen objectively even though my cynical self is renowned for being ridiculously biased & headstrong.

"Flexibility" used to be a default option in all versions prior to Jerry version no.5 but that was removed for a good reason or two. The closest option available now is "selective flexibility". Knowing myself best, I know that there is no turning back at this point & I do not wish to elaborate on that.

To get what I need, keeping an open mind is a must. The ends justify the means so why not? That being said, sometimes I feel as if my soul is like some prostitute while I'm the pimp. However, too much of any thing is never a good thing. Moderation is the key (I wish I could apply the same logic to my food consumption).

Before I get drifted away to the point of no return, I would like to quote a few notable conversations that took place in my quest for answers.

*Lucien shoved an article regarding how women think to Jerry*

*Jerry read the article. Amused, he commented.*

Jerry: That goes to show, women are very chee byee (Twats).

Lucien: Haha, make us men go online to read and understand girls.

Jerry: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

and....

Jerry: If girls were aware of the fact that I had a problem understanding the way they ticked, why didn’t they tell me about it?

Ping Ting: No, not every girl is the same. You just haven’t met someone who would take you as you are.

Jerry: Since none of them have really bothered to take me as I am, does that mean that every single girl that I’ve gone out with to date is actually lying to me just to reap the benefits? What kind of twisted logic is that? Why couldn't they be honest from the start?

What can we infer from the 2 scenarios? No idea? Well, if you haven't already noticed, here's the problem.

Most girls don't really know what they want.

Cruel world! I shall drown myself in this drain! Wait, maybe I should just stab myself in the thigh...

Jerry, it's not nice slabbing people with your biased generalisations & baseless accusations. Explain yourself before they gather in the masses & march to your house with torches in their hands.

I sincerely believe that unlike guys, girls don't have a clue on how to be straight forward. Although that might turn out to be a major pull factor for some guys (If the rule of opposites attract apply), an endless supply of miscommunication would be involved.

Everything is so hazy.

Yes I agree that a "substantial" conversation could be made within all that confusion but tell me, how long could it last? 5 years maybe but how about 20 years? It's no wonder the divorce rates are going up.

A biased statement indeed. Since remaining biased won't get me a satisfying answer, I had to see things in a different light. It was then I realised, girls also tend to rely more on their feelings while guys rely more on their heads (It's up to you to decide which one I'm referring to). It's no wonder girls hardly make any sense.

A common scenario. Let's picture a typical office set up. Let's just imagine that everyone in this example is beautiful. (A perfect world).

*Guy A walks up to Girl B & hands her a cup a coffee*

Guy A: You seem tired. This might perk you up. Extra sugar :).

Girl B: Ok.

Guy A hops away with a big grin across his face. However, Girl B would be thinking: "Alright! I don't have to get off my seat & make my own coffee! Lucky~ " & carries on with her work. To her, it really is nothing more than an act of kindness that anyone could do.

Then, her immediate superior Guy C steps in.

*Guy C dumps a stack of documents on Girl B's desk*

Guy C: Finish all this by evening. Just to let you know, the company is not going to pay you overtime for this.

*Guy C stomps off while Girl B is left sulking*

After going through half the papers, she notices a note. Apparently Guy C would like to ask her out for dinner after work later that evening to make up for all the mean things that he said to her.

Now at this point, Girl B is going to think about Guy C & not Guy A. Although Guy A's intentions were quite clear, they were not significant enough to grab Girl B's attention. Girl B's mind would already be filled with curse words for Guy C since he was the one who shoved so much work to her at the eleventh hour. Little did she know, her feelings are going to make a 360 degree change the after she reads the note.

Both making a cup of coffee & writing a note amounts to little or no effort at all. However, the person who manages to capture a girl's feeling wins the game. Which begs the question, why should there even be a game to start with?

A decent looking girl is bound to have quite a handful of suitors. It doesn't matter whether she is single, attached or even married. In today's society, morals are insignificant to the point where we have to be reminded ever so often of this little thing called karma.

To be brutally honest, those guys are all after her looks. That is how the first step of attraction begins. If Eve wasn't pretty at least in Adam's eyes, we would be non-existent. Guys are like aunties shopping for fish at a supermarket. We spend a great deal of time searching for the ideal looking one. Beauty is after all, in the eye of the beholder.

My interpretation of step number 2 is getting to know her better but every guy has a different approach. It's always good to be cautious.

A mutual attraction would save both parties a whole lot of time but girls might feel that if they let a guy win too easily, he would take her for granted in no time. To make him feel that she was worth all the trouble, she'd have to run a few stupid tests on him.

Although he might be the one that she likes the most, if he fails, that's fine. All she has to do is pick the one who manages to convince her to take a ride on the emotional roller coaster.

In simple terms, whoever makes her feel comfortable wins. You give her a sense of security, you win. Doesn't matter whether it's trampling on a cockroach or rescuing a cat from a tree. Feelings is something that can grow so that's probably the thing that girls are betting on. It's a slow investment with it's own set of benefits. However, the fastest way is shorten the distance between the 2 of you is just to have sex. The more the better!

Big returns? I'm in!

Now that is comparable to investing in shares. The returns might be great the the risks are always high.

From money to nothing.

Repeat the process when deemed necessary. As long as makeup is still readily available at your fingertips, nothing is impossible, at least to the superficial.

This nonsensical game is meant for girls who are not confident at keeping a guy by their side. With the increasing number if infidelities, it's no wonder that they are worried. You might think that there is a problem with your face but I think it's the choice you made that put you in such a state.

I feel that this problem can be dealt with easily. Know the guy well. Assess him accordingly instead of putting him through meaningless tests. Before entering a serious relationship, it is crucial to know the other party before making the next move.

Of course if you don't have the patience to do so, you are looking at a short termed relationship & shouldn't even be reading this entry. I'm impressed you made it this far.

That is why I say, girls don't know what they want. If they really used their heads to think, they wouldn't have the need to feel insecure 69% of the time. I understand that feelings play an important role in all this but times have changed. Screw feelings & start using your heads more! That is how other girls get ahead in the game while you are left stuck in a rut.

Everything that you've ever watched in a Disney film can NEVER be applied to a real life situation.

For those who choose to stick to their "Disney" mindset thinking that the right one would walk by eventually, fuck you & don't be lazy. You want it, you go out & get it. To score for a test, you'd have to study right? Sure there are geniuses around but chances are, it's not going to be you.

Get to know his intentions. Sure he can offer you certain luxuries to entice you but he can also take them away just like that. There are countless things we guys can do to make girls warm our beds. Who ever said the creator of the game can't suck at it? If you girls think your little game is flawless like the polished surface of your fingernail, you've got to be kidding.

That concludes my entry.

Comments are appreciated.

2010-04-27T23:59:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHA! FANTASTIC! I FOUND MY CONCLUSION! HAHAHAHA!

Tonight is what it means to be young

2010-04-24T04:46:00.002+08:00

I went out with a dork (probably the only word I could think of at this point in time that best describes her) named Esther just the other night. My intention was to have some sort of ice breaking session since we've never really talked in real life before despite knowing each other for quite a while. Exchanging 5 one worded sentences does not make a conversation but that was exactly what we did 5 years ago.

Before I proceed, I would like to talk a bit about myself.

Jerry's Theory: As long as there is a need to know someone new, he'd automatically take a few precautions, a dab of sensitivity and a bit of wit before expressing his thoughts.

In short, I'd never fail to put up my defenses before knowing the necessary steps to take when it comes to dealing with anyone. Hence, expect me to put up a facade until I get to know you a little better.

I am a person filled with countless insecurities. I can get very bothered over the smallest details. If I don't say it, it doesn't indicate that I'm not thinking about it. In order to make things go your way, you'd have to take charge of the situation. In this case, crafting a conversation to your advantage would be an ideal option.

Jerry' Theory: Don't want to hear it? Don't talk about it!

However, I should have expected the unexpected. If I were to use one word to describe this little girl, it would be "tactless". She took all the impressions that I ever had of her & mercilessly fed them to the unforgiving waves of the sea while strolling along the side. What ever happened to practicing some form of restraint?

It looks like it's going to take more time to get to know such a person. It takes 2 hands to clap but it takes even more patience to deal with the noise being produced. Oh well, it's times like these when you get reminded of Bruce Lee's wise words.

Be water, my friend.

No matter what I said, I always felt as if she was the one in control. It's amazing how she was able to answer me in a way that I could never think of. Needless to say, it's obviously something that I don't like to hear. That was the main reason why I shoved her into my "out of the norm" category of friends. It's always good to have a few interesting people in your life to help you see things in a different light.

Jerry's Theory: When I hear something that I could never think of (despite being good or bad), I'd be impressed.

I apply this to everything.

The last person who was able to do such a thing almost flawlessly was none other than Yvonne; someone whom I've never really understood no matter how much time has passed. Even though I was always the one asking questions, she'd somehow manage to steer the conversation off to something irrelevant; to the point where I'm always caught off guard. That being said, it is no wonder that she is able to know me well.

It's not a bad thing, it really isn't. It forces me do the number one thing that I hate to do; think.

That was the reason why I hung out with her so often. I've always thought that spending time with people could make you understand them little by little but.................

I've
never
felt
so
wrong
before.

In a span of 3 hours, Esther said 1 sentence that could shake the foundations of most of the conclusions that I've came up with over the years.

Although I'm quite sure she didn't put much thought into it, she displayed the true meaning of "minimum effort, maximum results". That's probably the reason why people call her "The Great". Everything just seems to make sense.

She said...

Esther: Jerry you ****er, 你不了解女人的心 (You do not understand a woman's heart)

I was telling her about some girl whom I used to like. I went on explaining the steps I took & the shit that followed after that. My only intention was to tell a story, nothing more.

She analysed the situation casually & explained things from her point of view (a girls point of view to be precise). Although she wasn't being very detailed, her points were valid & they hit me like an instant knockout coming from Mike Tyson. She claimed that being nice isn't the way to a girl's heart. Apparently, that is just not how the rules of attraction are written.

I was irritated by her "你不了解女人的心" statement. It sounded some random comment that popped out of nowhere just for the sole purpose of irritating the person on the receiving end. However, since it was supposed to be a "happy" occasion, I decided not to be a killjoy & ditched the tables & chairs that I've initially prepared for a heated argument.

Besides, I'd only do drastic things when I get really pissed.

Women to me are fascinating creatures. They can never be compared to men. They think way too differently. As the saying goes, opposites attract. I spend a great deal of my time trying to understand them. In my opinion, understanding them means knowing how to deal with their ever changing mood swings & fickleness.

It is something that I'm proud of because learning all that was not an easy (nor cheap) process at all. I take pride in it & I sincerely believed that I could know exactly what a lady is thinking just by analysing a situation in a woman's perspective.

Then I realised, no matter how much I know about them, I could never understand how their brains work. One simple reason, I'm not a girl.

I thought about the things I did previously. Why didn't things work out the way I wanted them to? It made clear sense after I sat down & thought about how those words relate to my past experiences.

I'm not obligated to do such a thing. Yet is one of those things where I can't find an answer to satisfy myself. I am an over-thinker unfortunately.

My ex-girlfriend Christelle liked me because she felt that I was a ~~fungi~~ fun guy to hang out with. I didn't like her at first. Before we were together, I was making fun of her like no one's business. She was younger compared to me & any girl that fits the bill is selfishly labeled my default little sister. Since I've always harboured the thought that little sisters are people you play with, I don't see why I shouldn't be (I do have a little sister/daughter complex if you haven't noticed).

For the record if I really liked someone, I'd treat her really nice; to the point where it becomes obvious even to the oblivious. That being said, I've only confessed once in all my 23 years. Not going to do that again any time soon though (because no one has been able to convince me that girls are NOT irritating).

That one moment required a shitload of balls to happen. I can't even go up to a girl & ask her for her height let alone confessing any form of love I have for her.

Making fun of people has never been my way of expressing love. It totally made sense why some girls keep hounding me despite the fact that I treat them worse than shit. In all honesty, if I make fun of you, it simply means that I want to entertain myself at your expense, that's all!

We got together before I entered the army. At that point in time, I lived without a care in the world because I knew I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job or studying for the next 2 years.

Things were good for a while. The relationship thrived on me dealing with her personal issues. They were a pain in the arse but since I had all the time in the world & I knew that I was doing a good deed, why not? Naturally, after knowing her a little better, I liked her even more. Hence the big change in attitude towards her.

Before the breakup, she would ask me things like why wasn't I the guy she once knew, why wasn't I the guy who made her laugh all the time. To me, I thought she was expressing signs of boredom with the relationship. It's not because I don't want to, I just can't be goofing around when I'm worried about your current situation. If she couldn't think of it in a mature aspect, I think that is where the discussion ends.

To her, she was probably trying to hint something. I didn't think about it this way before I was aware of the whole "你不了解女人的心" thing. We broke up due to other underlying issues though.

This clearly shows that I know NOTHING about a girl's heart. NOTHING AT ALL!! I have to be "educated" by an 18 year old girl. WTH?! My ego is at stake. I need to ask a few more friends for a 2nd opinions before arriving to a solid conclusion regarding this issue. Expect follow up entry.

Girls play wicked games on guys. I guess I've no choice but to burn my encyclopedia on girls & rewrite a new one from scratch.

2010-04-20T08:45:00.004+08:00

Everyone is going to Japan :( . In fact, zr is going to be there for a little while. Now, who is willing to take her place of being my temporary insomniac buddy during this span of time?

Yeah, I guess everyone has their own plans. Most people don't know what they want but they know where to get it. I'm the direct opposite.

I have to bring a few thousand at least to survive in Japan. Apart from that, I'd have to equip myself with a few basic skills like ~~the ability to mack on chicks~~ speaking the language and knowing the cheapest places for lodging.

At this point of time, knowing an Otaku is a good thing. Apparently Kenneth's 2nd degree friend is organising something at the end of the year. However, I'd have to pass on that since the language, time and the money is still a problem to me.

Prioritising, something that I haven't done for the longest time. I think I'm far sighted because I keep losing track of what is right in front of me.

2010-04-18T21:29:00.003+08:00

I dropped my pasta T.T ! It came sliding onto the ground just because my clumsy side decided to take over. I bet the pasta felt like some aborted fetus. It was not given the chance to fulfill it's purpose of stimulating my taste buds.

It's been a long while since I've done something that epic. They were nice enough to make another plate for me at no extra charge but damn did I feel so bad :( .

I'm indebted to them, that is why I don't feel good :( . I dislike owing favours, it just isn't my thing. What can I do to pay them back? If I go there more often, their pay is going to remain the same but they'd have more things to do. If I don't go there more often, their pay is going to remain the same but the profitability of their business is compromised.

What should I do T.T ??!!

Lesson learnt, never walk around with the wire of your earphones dangling around. Also, try to order something that is tomato based so that it doesn't slip out that easily.

2010-04-15T21:37:00.002+08:00

15/04/2010

I've thought about it for a while. I realised that life isn't as depressing as it was before. Hence, I shall try writing notes for people once again. For those who didn't notice, I haven't been writing notes for a couple of years. Not because I was lazy, I just couldn't pen down my feelings when they were all over the place.

You could also come to the conclusion that my emo-side is an environmentalist who is strictly against the use of paper.

People have always claimed that my notes & presents lack sincerity. I usually write them on a piece of foolscap paper and place it safely together with the present under a few layers of tape.

What they don't realise is, writing notes on a piece of foolscap paper instead of a card is my form of expressing sincerity and wrapping a present under layers of tape is just me being a total sadist who seeks joy from that irritated look on your face.

Since people don't buy my explanation, I shall spice things up by adding a sweet foreign mail envelop from this day onward. I think it's cool. Something more, nothing less. A win-win situation in all aspects.

I've always taken writing seriously. Every word I write is there for a reason. However, it could turn out to be a double edged sword. I tend to forget everything I write. Therefore, people come up to me and say

_ _: Jerry you are such a liar! You said you'd __ __ __ __ in a case where __ __ __ __ __ __.

Jerry: Was there such a thing?

_ _ : Peng wei kia! (A person who goes back on his word)

Yeah, I get that all the time. It'd make me think twice on writing on note for that particular person :) .

Anyway, happy birthday to my friend Esther! We shall be meeting very soon.

2010-04-14T09:13:00.002+08:00

I'd be busy till the 24th of this month. No point refreshing this page for the next 10 days haha!

Another thing to note, I'd giving free guitar lessons for beginners after that too. bring your own guitar. email if interested?

To love sombody

2010-04-06T22:36:00.010+08:00

Ever encountered a case where you were unsure whether you are in love with someone?

Happens to me all the time, just that I've never put much thought into it. I could not determine whether it was going to be a mere passing phase or something serious. At least for now, it is not my list of priorities. However, I wouldn't say the same thing in 5 years time.

This question surfaced after someone whom I used to like contacted me recently. Apparently we drifted apart simply because neither side bothered to keep in close touch with the other.

Jerry, why didn't you guys keep in touch like how normal friends should? She didn't piss you off right?

She wasn't someone who shared the same interests as me. She was just someone whom I've worked with for an assignment.

However, when you have positive feelings for someone, I'm sure you'd have a shitload of things to talk about. From pointless things like how nice the weather is to how passing thoughts like how pretty her dress looks. It's the little bits and pieces that really matter when engaging in small talk (no pun intended yet again).

When you realise that you don't have romantic feelings for a person anymore, there wouldn't be a need to engage in any form of small talk. It becomes a case where "It is no longer an obligation to think of ways and means to keep you entertained". I know that statement makes you sound like a total jerk but that is the reality of life and it happens ever so often. Get used to it.

I know it's not the nicest way to shrug someone off but at least those premature romantic feelings wouldn't have much of a chance to manifest into something uncontrollable; to the point where you put your life on the line for the most nonsensical reasons.

Which is better? Sitting or flying?

I don't need friends to talk rubbish to. If I threw a stone out of my window, I'm bound to hit someone who could fulfill such a role. I need friends whom I could talk to regarding things that matter to myself.

Whether they are from informal things like hobbies to serious matters like work, you'd know that you are more or less having a substantial conversation. I'm living life to the fullest, not lazing around at a coffee shop sipping one small cup of coffee from morning till night.

That, is my answer to the question above.

Ermm, ok.... Why didn't you confess your feelings to her back then?

You might be interested in a person at first but after a few conversations and outings, you just don't feel anything special him/her hence making a hasty conclusion that she wasn't going to be suitable for you. For me, I'd always tell myself: "Need more time to think" because I do not have short termed relationships/flings in mind" .

However, I only realised that I've made a big mistake only after she found herself a boyfriend. The jealousy that was being built up within that one moment made it safe to conclude that I liked her after all.

I hate it when unnecessary feelings emerge from the depths of your heart. Do I miss you only after I'm being reminded of the fact that I used to hold the torch for you? Sounds nothing more than a selfish emotion that is better off being sealed away.There was nothing much I could do. No point crying over spilled milk so I moved on.

Ohhh... Ok that would be all for now.

This simply goes to show that time waits for no one. For those people who claim that they've liked someone for 6 long years but never really found the right time to approach, please don't waste your time.

Waiting for that long for someone is a real sweet gesture but please, you've got to love yourself before you can love others. I can't translate that sentence into any other languages so if that piece of advice doesn't get into your head, all I can say is I've tried my best to help.

Too little too late

I really wonder sometimes, how would it feel when you finally meet the right one? How could you be sure? Would it be worth the while in the end?

Time will tell. Probably.

I want to know what love is

2010-03-30T16:45:00.001+08:00

I came across this little passage after doing some mindless clicking on Facebook. Since it made me ponder for slightly more than a minute before coming to a conclusion to keep my mind off it, I've decided to shamelessly take & display it here for my reader's viewing pleasure.

"Occasionally has random feelings of having a family.. beautiful wife..wonderful children.. haaaai...".

That, my readers, is honesty at it's purest state (However, do pardon the English. It is an informal form of expression after all). Before you regurgitate in disgust, think about it in a logical point of view. Why would anyone lie when they say such a thing?

If you think he was merely coming up with a good pick up line to mack on chicks, I'm sorry but that just isn't going to happen. That sort of thing would only work on single men/women who are slightly past the ideal marrying age. Desperation is the one thing that could make people throw away their principles, views, personal policies and believes on a whim.

My intention here is not to make a mockery out of his statement or anything along those lines. Although you might think that such thoughts make a person sound old, I would like to beg a differ. I view it as something sweet; to the point where your limbs start dropping off one by one. Not many have the courage to say such a thing. It's either they are willing to forsake their hard earned 6 packs for a beer belly or they are just looking at things in a very ~~naive~~ innocent point of view. Let's hope it's not the latter.

What you want might not be what the other desires

I dare say, most younger people (Myself included. I'm 22 years young :x) are just not willing to commit in such an early stage in life. There are just too many factors & implications involved when it boils down to such a thing. You just can't walk up to any person and say: "Let's get married!" & think that a life filled with joy awaits you from that very moment on. You have to consider a lot of things even with just the human aspect alone.

Does he/she like you for you or your money?

How can you be sure?

How long have you known him/her for?

How much do you know about him/her?

Does his/her traits sound too good to be true?

What made you come to the conclusion that she was someone you could trust?

What if you were wrong?

What if he.she was reciprocating your feelings only to keep the game going to fulfill his/her selfish needs?

Who do you blame after that?

Why would you choose to drown yourself in misery when he/she was the main cause of it all?

What if you were right about her but she decided to change somewhere in the middle?

Arghhh!

In today's society where money has a chokehold on everyone's neck, it's no surprise that people can turn out to be ambitious. In their impression, the more money you get, the faster you slip yourself out of that chokehold. Two options available. Some choose to achieve as much as possible on their own while others will do anything to get there regardless of whether there are any moral implications involved. As long as they are not doing something against the law, their actions are justifiable.

Would you want to marry a person who cares about money more than anything else? Are your emotional/spiritual needs unnecessary?

Finding the right person sure is tough. Sure you might get along but when a major conflicting issues occurs, even a compromise might be difficult to reach. It is comparable to religion. There would never be a case where all religions can be rolled into one. If that happened it would be nothing more but plain blasphemy!

These are the aspects of a person that you might hardly/never get to see when you are just a friend to him/her. That is the main reason why I would encourage people who are on the shelf to take the first leap instead of waiting for that "ideal" person to climb up the shelf to fetch you.

Would a regular friend make such requests?

Everyone has a different personality behind their facade. Why is there a need for a facade in the first place? To leave a good impression on people of course. Sure it might last for a while but in due time, we'll see your true colours. A bad impression however gets stuck in you mind forever.

Example: "That girl has been violated by a dog before."

That sort of thing will create terrible mental images whenever I see that particular girl. No offense really but it's just my instincts telling me not to get too involved.

Most people choose reveal it to those who are close to them. Others would wait for you to find out about them yourself through experience. Know the person well before committing and please do not let your heart succumb to the softness.

If you know things are NOT going to work out in time to come, just pull the trigger and find someone else. I know I did. You might still like the guy/girl but it really is for your own good. When your relationship is hanging by a thread, it is worse than staying single. Why? Apart from not being able to have hugs & kisses, you'd face depression, walk around in a drunken stupor, thinking too much leading to insomnia etc. It just isn't worth it. It might be hard to keep your mind focused on something else like movies/shows whatever.

I know saying is so much easier compared than doing but if you are not going to take the first step, you'd just be wasting the hours of your life away. You might think that acting all "depressed" is a good way to attract the attention you desire but it gets tiresome after a while. I hate to say it but it just reminds you of "the boy who cried wolf". Do not take other people's sincerity for granted.

That being said, I'm not trying to scare the crap out of single people. I'm just stating the things that you might never put into consideration while you are having a crush on someone. I'm not saying that the first person you meet will not be the right one. I'm just saying that if the person you like isn't suitable for you, don't bother forcing it just move on. Take it as a normal phase in life and please do not make unnecessary sacrifices if that is not something that you'd do on a daily basis.

If a person likes you, he/she likes you. If not, too bad things are just not going to change. Even if you get together, things will get bland like the coffee they serve at McDonalds in no time. The fact remains the same. If he/she is not interested in you, why would he/she bother to understand you?

I guess that is why he mentioned "beautiful wife". The term beautiful does not equate to the worth of someone's face value. Sure you can claim that is just what ugly people say because God did not put in that much effort while molding them hence they are just trying to find all sorts of ways to make up for that imperfection but that is not true. For those elitist who think that looks is EVERYTHING, God probably took out some of your brain as extra material to carve out that nice set of double eyelids.

I've always claimed that I am an extremely superficial person who put looks before anything else when looking for a potential partner. Yes it's true that I always claim so but that is due to my lack of wit to come up with something funny. Besides, I'm not handsome enough to be picky with such things.

If you really look at the girls I liked previously, the first thing that would come out of your mouth is: "JERRY! YOU CALL THAT PRETTY? FASTER GO TO THE DOCTOR, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR TASTE!"

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. In my eyes, if you are willing to accept a person even for his bad points, that is true beauty. It's just like Lois from the show Family Guy. Peter is fat & useless and always turns the house upside down but Lois still loves him despite all that.

Until I find such an aspect in anyone, I shall remain comfortable tucked withing the comfort zone of my shelf.

At least you don't get insomnia.

In conclusion for those people who are still waiting for the right one, try to gain as much experience as possible before knowing what you want. Live your life for someone only if you have nothing to live for. That being said, what I meant was be good & be true to yourself. Know who you are & what you need. Do not compromise unnecessarily because chances are you wouldn't be happy.

I got my answer really quick because my last relationship was a total wreck. I hope this post helps.

2010-03-27T16:14:00.002+08:00

Those people who manage to get a 1st class/2nd class upper honors degree, you guys are beyond insane, in a good way of course. You guys are the kind of people who make crossing the Red Sea look easy.

The thing about university is that the questions given to you on the test/exam paper are never similar to the tutorials/textbook examples provided.

One way to do well in a short period of time is to slice open your head, place the textbook inside and let your brain devour it. Other alternatives include having no life or being smart from the start, not suitable for the normal human being.

It's getting depressing. It really is.

Do you remember

2010-03-26T10:36:00.009+08:00

I went to see a doctor for a routine checkup regarding my condition. If you haven't heard, I have hypertention. In a more digestible form, high blood pressure.

I was impressed with the fact that she knew her stuff very well & was extremely patient with her patient (pun pun pun). Seriously, I've hardly encountered Doctors who give their 100% to each and every one of their patients. 2 thumbs & 3 cheers!

Had a pretty interesting conversation with the her which made messed around with my brain a little. She was going on about a list of syndromes and all I had to answer was yes or no.

Doctor: Do you have diarrhoea often?

Jerry: Eh, probably once a week?

Doctor: WHAT?! How come you never told anybody?

Jerry: Well, I thought it was normal. I've been having it for a long time.

Doctor: That's not normal you know.

Jerry: It isn't?!

That conversation made me feel as if I was abnormal. If that were the case, what does being normal feel like?

Everything seemed to make perfect sense. Hand tremors, messed up bowel movements, excessive weight loss etc. They were all linked to the same thing! More to be continued on my disease.

I'm actually quite serious when I say that I might not live past 50. ~~God~~ Buddha must be playing a terrible joke on me. My father claimed that it had something with my past life being messed up. Which begs the question, why can't I atone for sins that were committed in my previous life (Buddhists believe in such a thing) within that life itself? Why must I atone for them now? Not only does it make any sense, it is damn unfair!

Why is there a need to fight for a better future that you will never get to see? Not many would go the distance for their future lives because their future selves won't even remember what their past self did. Hence, they do not have to feel obligated to display any form of gratitude.

I feel bad for myself in the next life. If given the chance to meet my past life, I'd kick his butt.

---------------------------------------------------------

Anyway on with the brighter side of life, I bought something new.

I bought a new scientific calculator!

Well, nothing much to get all excited about. If I were to compare, the feeling of getting this new calculator is nothing compared to getting your first one. Remember those days when you were spending more time fiddling around with the buttons rather than using it for your maths problems? The best part is knowing the fact that your name can be spelled out using the limited amount of "letters" on it.

Mine was spelled as: "√E┌┌Y" . Having nothing better to do in the past, I made sure the particular model that I was buying had the necessary buttons readily available.

Anyway, irrelevant stuff. Why did I buy a new calculator? Too much money on my hands? Never was there such a case. Since would be so many people willing to part with their calculators for a dollar at Cash Converters, why can't I just buy one off them? The thing is, I already have such a calculator.

"Jerry, we all know you didn't have much of a childhood but you have to know the difference between toys and tools. Also, this not like toy collecting where you buy 3 of the same toy for different purposes."

Konata Izumi's theory: place one on display, leave one sealed in the box and take the last one out from the box to have a few glances before putting it back just to have the "Out of the box" feeling every time you repeat the process. This only goes to show the extents people go through just to fulfill their pleasures.

$24.90?? What gives?!

$24.90 was a small price to pay for the extra functions. However, that does not change the fact that I still dislike spending money on necessities.

Noticed the difference yet?

Look at the [ ] boxes above the numbers. Each and every one of them has a different function.

Wth is this?!

If this is Maths, it's the mind blasting kind.

Future Mechanical Engineering students, these would be the stuff that you'd be doing most of the time. If there are tools to make things easier by even the slightest, get it.

Sour times

2010-03-21T20:41:00.002+08:00

I believe that many, if not all, forms of disputes between 2 people can be resolved if both parties are willing to sit down, look at each other straight in the face, pluck up enough courage and listen to what the other person has to say before jumping to your own conclusions.

Before I move on, I would like to point out that when I mentioned disputes, I'm not referring to the little things like your every day bickering. Seriously, if every clashing opinion required that much time & effort just to reach a fair conclusion, monkeys will rule the world even before you decide on the location for your midnight snack. My point is, don't take bickering too seriously.

As a matter of fact, I view bickering as a positive form of communication; a necessary aspect in a healthy relationship. It doesn't really matter whether it makes sense or not because it definitely is more reliable form of communication compared to body language. Sure you might make something out of those actions but there is a very high possibility that you are reading it wrongly.

You get the idea

The main topic of the day would be friendship. How significant is such a thing to you? Are friends the people you seek in times of need or are they just mere pawns in your game of life?

We all know that life is tough. Everyone has their own problems but I think that it's all about levels & it usually makes a big difference especially when relations and/or money is involved. Don't believe me? Open up a newspaper, throw a stone on it and it'd most probably land on some article regarding a scandal or a scam. I used the word probably because that stone might land on the page filled with advertisements. A non substantial analogy I know but my point is, most major problems have something to do with relations and money.

I've lost a fair share of friends. It's gone to the point where others find it strange because I've always portrayed myself as a person who values his friends. I would like to compare myself to a dormant volcano. I can take a lot of insults/abuse/criticisms but there is a limit to everything. Cross that mark and BOOM!

I am human, not like some punching dummy you find at fitness stores to vent all your stress on. I feel that people are not taking me seriously since I'm always goofing around. Even a clown would get mad if you slept with his mother. Taking things to the extreme is the only time when people start to realise that I actually mean business. It's a dirty job but someone has got to do it.

I'd leave people the choice whether they are willing to reach a compromise with me. Not possible? End of discussion, we are through. You might be Tom or Ben but I don't really give a damn (No pun intended)

I know this sounds pretty shameless coming from me but I used to place friends on the number one spot in my list of significance. I regret to inform everyone but that place has been replaced by money & I can't find a reason why it shouldn't be. At least it does a better job at keeping a smile on my face.

" Jerry, you piece of trash! How could you even speak of such a thing? "

First, screw all the people who have such thoughts as the one above. Second, I'm nothing but another victim of the harsh realities of life. No matter how hard I try to protect my naive impressions, life will never fail to crush them in a single blow. I might not like the change but it was inevitable.

I used to think that its wrong to ask for anything in return after doing someone a favour. That is one of the Buddhist ways of life. Since the entire world isn't Buddhist, not many people would understand such intentions. Since it is going to take a lot of time and to convert people to my way of thinking, I've decided that giving up is a more logical option.

By the way, I am not telling you to be a Buddhist(I have openly declared that I'm a pseudo Buddhist. I do not agree with certain aspects of their teachings. Before any of you "Buddhists" try act high and mighty to lecture me, let me ask you this, when was the last time you went to a temple to pay your respects?), I was just hoping that you'd take some time to notice my intentions.

Even a simple gesture of appreciation can make me feel that it was all worthwhile. It doesn't really matter whether its another one of your pretentious lies because as long as you put in some effort to make it sound like it wasn't, it'd put a smile on my face. I appreciate the effort.

Most of the time, I feel as if I'm beating a dead horse. The lack of appreciation really is starting to drain my self esteem.

I'm starting to lose myself. There is hardly any reason to revert back to my old self. It's not as if my "new" self is the coolest person in the world but at least he doesn't have to spend his time giving two shits about you.

However, my conscious keeps haunting me day & night. My brain might have signed the approval form but my heart would never agree to such a thing. My heart wouldn't even let me walk away with pocketing $5 from miscalculated change let alone losing a friend. My brain is the one responsible for all the malicious words coming out from my mouth. I dare say, he is quite good committing such an act behind my heart's back (It's just an expression, I did not mean it in a literal sense)

I'm not an absolute being, I admit that I do make mistakes. I do not want this entry to sound biased.

It's hard enough to ditch a friend. It's even harder to be friends again. I'm at a loss, the decision is too hard for me to make at this point. As mentioned in the first paragraph, it takes courage to sit down and listen. I don't have that right now. Time might change my answer.

Might.

I Found Someone

2010-03-13T17:46:00.011+08:00

It has been so hot lately. The best thing to do is remove your clothes & sit in front of a fan at full blast.

Kallen Stadtfeld approves of such an action

Alternatively, you could use some air conditioning.

Kallen: "Oh yeah why didn't I think of that?"

Ok Jerry, snap back to reality! *snap snap*

This entry is going to be all about the most "steady" person that I've ever known to date! Who?

Ms Ang Ping Ting for obvious reasons.

She did something that would never come across the mind of a cheapskate person. That's right, She handed me expensive stuff for free!

Not just one or two, THREE!

She gave me three shelves to be precise. Where could you find such a cool friend? It's not as if there would be someone wearing a signboard that says: "Hey I would to give you some free yet expensive stuff so that you'd think I'm cool & want to be my friend" while strolling across the street. If anyone did something like that, he wouldn't have the chance to be your friend. I mean if you think about it logically, he probably got trampled to death or something similar.

I don't really remember how the conversation went but I'm extremely delighted with the outcome. Initially, I wanted to head down to IKEA and grab a few shelves myself. Apparently the glass cabinet that I've purchased previously was just not practical for me. I wanted have a good look at all my toys just by doing a simplistic motion of turning my head from left to right, not by doing a series of tiresome squats just to get a clearer view.

Emptiness the way I like it

I installed it the day after I got it. Isn't it beautiful? All that hard work just to marvel upon an empty shelve. What is that box and what does it contain anyway?

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More PVC

Yeap, my toys. Still need to think of a way to seal up the shelves to prevent stupid insects from laying eggs in all the wrong places (I don't even want to go into detail). Have to get some custom cut wood from some furniture factory fast before my figurines get all sticky & warped from the heat. The clock is ticking & I'm calm like a bomb.

Anyway, we'd be heading out for a mini dinner to celebrate her belated birthday (Happy belated birthday Pings :) )tomorrow. How old is she? Old enough to get sensitive about her age :) . I have about 4 more months more before I worry about such a thing.

Wait, that isn't very far away now is it?

The moral of the story is, if you want me to think of you as the coolest person that has ever set foot on earth, you've got to give me expensive stuff. You can outdo her by giving me a guitar or a camera. Just giving you guys some helpful tips. Thanks :) .

2010-03-12T01:01:00.002+08:00

My heart represents a decaying tooth while you represent a dentist. Whenever the tooth is in pain, I could always count on you to fill up the gaps but the fact remains the same, I still hate dentists.

Love and hate, I really don't wish to be balancing along that line. Not now, not ever.

We're not going to take it

2010-03-10T03:12:00.000+08:00

An extensive amount of "interesting facts" were shoved into my ears over the past week. How much to be exact? Enough to let it all out into a blog entry.

This sudden influx of information is comparable to a situation whereby some unfortunate country gets hit by a Tsunami right after being hit by a drought. Two possibilities to such a scenario, either they have been overly enthusiastic with their "rain dance" or just plain unlucky. If you guys think I'm being insensitive, I beg to differ. I mean seriously, how many more logical reasons could you actually come up with that would not sound offensive in one way or another?

I've heard unexpected things like being aware of the existence of a girl who has never been kissed despite her having a face that could forcibly make men do stupid things (Example 1: Gathering around in the masses to forming some gargantuan choir that does nothing but sing praises to her all day, everyday) to ridiculous theories thought up by a bunch of guys who were trying to convince parents that they have not slept with their daughter & allay all forms of suspicion (Example 2: The possibility of a girl losing her virginity to a bicycle seat after slamming the brakes).

"Example 2" (mentioned 1 paragraph above) has got to be the most nonsensical thing I've heard in the longest time! What makes it even funnier is the fact that it actually happened! I know that this might sound cynical in uncountable aspects but being human, it was only natural that I laughed at what I thought was funny. I laughed so hard to the point where I was completely oblivious to my surroundings.

I was driving and almost mounted a curb only because the messed up picture I had in my head of a girl losing her virginity to a bicycle seat was just too much for me to take! Seriously, that is one crazy situation that I could NEVER come up with myself.

A "comfortable" bicycle seat indeed.

For the record, I'd always have something to comment no matter the situation/circumstance. If I did not say it out aloud, it does not mean that I did not think about it. It really is no secret that I am a little messed up in the head but I can't control these thoughts mine. However, these urges are suppressible (if not, I would end up being some serial killer prowling the red light district for easy targets).

Close friends of mine would never fail to give me a gentle reminder or two when they see something that they do NOT want me to comment on. That is a kind gesture but come on! I am not some guy who laughs at a funeral. Usually if that particular situation is too messed up to make fun off, I'd keep my mouth sealed but they'd remind me just to avoid an awkward situation. Talk about having faith in your friends huh -.-'"?

Anyway back to the topic. This whole thing started when the parents of a particular young girl were aimlessly pacing around the house while waiting for their bowels to show signs of movement after a meal. In other words, they have nothing better to do.

Since that was the case, it was no surprise that they had plenty of time to fill their heads with delusional thoughts of their daughter sleeping around with random men just to keep themselves occupied with something just to make them feel like "concerned" parents.

They do pop in to Singapore once in a while to check on their daughter. That is why they are quite familiar with her circle of friends.

That aside for a second. Imagine this. You are 18, came to Singapore at the age of 12 alone, spent most of your time within the closure of four walls and everyone treats you like some alien because you do not possess a pink card with your face on it. In such a circumstance, I guess it'd be a lie to say that I won't fall prey to insanity too.

I would love to help her out but I'm not the Jerry that I used to be. I do it selectively now. Since I felt that giving her a hand would be too much of a hassle and might even lead to undesirable outcomes, I turned a blind eye. The ends really did not justify the means. Pretty weird to ignore my paedophiliac instincts but it was a good move :).

Pedo Bear

I know this girl personally. The difference in her IQ and EQ are comparable to a mile and an inch respectively. She is one of those smart arses who can score real good in their exams despite the fact that their textbooks are in the dustbin.

Sounds cool huh? She could easily be a doctor or a lawyer with such a level of intellect. Marry her & you'd receive an endless supply of "soft rice" for your consumption ("eating soft rice" is a deprecating expression that refers to a man who depends on his girlfriend or wife for a living. Translated from Mandarin).

Wait till she calls you in the middle of the night telling you that she is going to jump off some ledge. Thank god she doesn't have my number :D.

As mentioned above, her parents asked her if she had been fucked (the exact word they said, not my interpretation) by some random guy from my clique. She was thinking of the word "fuck" in the context of being scolded. (Example 3: "Today was a bad day, I got fucked pretty badly by my boss"). She thought about it for about 3 seconds before replying: "Yeah, I've been fucked by almost all of them".

That stupid bitch -.-'". I knew something like this would happen.

Cliche as it might sound, parents would have some dramatic reaction only after they heard such unspeakable words coming from their child's mouth. Drastic measures had to be done. To confirm the fact that their daughter was screwed physically, they scared the guys in my clique by telling them that the doctor has confirmed that their daughter is no longer a virgin and that they are looking for the culprit.

By the way, I was not involved at all.

The interrogation began. None of them admitted to having sex with the young lady. Thinking in a logical point of view, if she is spending most of her time in the school's hostel, how many opportunities are there to slip out and have wild sex? Ideal location? I don't think the bushes would be good, prickly and full of bugs urgh.

The prime suspect in the group was Stan(obviously an alias). Apparently the girl stayed over at his place once after clubbing. He slapped aside all the fingers pointing at him by claiming that he left his room the moment she went to take a shower. Who knows what she might do once she emerges from the bathroom. He kept picturing her lying naked on his bed and was fighting his malicious thoughts until she came down to look for him. Perfect crime? Possibly :) . Never question the diversity of a guy's imagination :).

Since the guys all admitted to not having sex with the girl, they had to think of a valid excuse to convince her parents that we were not the people that they were looking for. Although the excuse mentioned all the way above was beyond funny, they felt that it was valid and decided to inform her parents of this possibility just to slip out of this mess. Fingers crossed.

In the end, the matter got resolved when the girl told her parents that it was all a big misunderstanding. A total waste of time there just because of her lousy interpretation. If I was involved I would have given her a huge lashing of the tongue because a lot of precious braincells were killed in the process. Again, thank god I was not involved.

That concludes the story of the girl who lost her virginity to a bicycle seat.

In an unfortunate case where this event really did happen to yourself or someone you know for real, I guess it's just not funny anymore :( .

2010-02-18T15:21:00.001+08:00

I'm on tumblr!

2010-02-16T12:21:00.004+08:00

The Lim family is exceptionally good at going back at their words.

I don't know why but I've always felt like that was the case. I've got a few examples to back it up.

- Father (Lim Teng Kok) agreed to get me a car after I've earned my driving license.

Didn't happen. Instead, was told that there was no valid reason for me to own one at this point of time instead of "Your family can afford a car why you worry?".

- Father agreed to build a makeshift room out of the entire living room for me so that I could make a mini studio & my sister could use my room (which is significantly larger).

Didn't happen. I guess my father paid them half the price because that room was stretched only halfway through. He claimed that there would not be space for the relatives to have a seat during Chinese New Year if they were to stick with the original plan. Hence, I'm left with both a makeshift room in the middle of nowhere and my sister's previous room which has ample space for a bed and a study table only.

- Lim Zhen Ru agreed to help me look for a girlfriend.

Didn't happen. She claimed that it would be better to know them the natural way. Like picking up the books that she dropped, catching her after she slips off a banana peel, taking the same book off the same shelve at the same time, protect her from some ex boyfriend etc etc. In other words, getting to know them the natural way is near impossible if you are not pulling the strings -.-'" .

I've concluded that the Lims cannot be trusted! I'm an exception because I'm a Lin :x

I'd love you to want me

2010-02-08T22:56:00.014+08:00

I keep objects of nostalgia in a shoebox. Got the idea from the one of my favourite songs from the Barenaked Ladies (there is such a band)

"I crumple the note and save it to put inside my shoe box."

My theory is, no one would want to open a shoe box that does not belong to them because there is a very high possibility that they might encounter a gruesome sight followed by a foul stench (I'm not referring to decaying body parts by the way). Therefore, I've concluded that it is an ideal place for keeping personal items (don't let your thoughts stray over to the dark side -.-'") .

Anyway, after sealing the Christmas card that was sent to me by Yong Sheng in a zip lock bag (Thanks! I appreciate the thought really :)), I stumbled upon something that I've thought I've thrown away for good.

What do we have here?

A random message from a girl named Yi Xin. She was someone whom I used to fancy quite a while back (like duh, a little too obvious even for the oblivious -.-'"). To top things off, she was also the first & only girl whom I've confessed to in all my 23 years.

It's always the little things that make a difference for me. Chinese so easy even I could read.

This, is one golden opportunity for everyone to set aside any of their differences & strive towards a common good.

Their goal? Simply to mock me :( .

If only people used that burning passion to deal with more significant issues, I bet the number of churches/mosques being burnt down would be reduced significantly.

Since I can't avoid having malicious comments being arrowed at me all at once (think of the arrow showering scene from the movie "Hero"), I'm going to use all of my remaining strength to lift a huge rock & find some space to hide underneath it.

Tough spot.

My first attempt at leaping off the shelf was both exhilarating & embarrassing. Exhilarating because a massive adrenaline rush is not something that anyone would get on a daily basis (unless you are like some extreme commando or plain suicidal). Embarrassing because the confidence that led you to confess in the first place might turn out to be a double edged sword.

A proof of misunderstood signals.

The confession on May 31 2006 was an epic failure. That is the main reason why that very moment in time has been safely stored within my memory until this very day.

4 years ago.................

Ping Ting: Jerry, I think you should go for it. You'd never know unless you try.

Eric: Jerry when you are trying to woo a girl, you should never take more than 3 weeks.

Wenna: That's so cute!

Agnes: Shu nu-s for the win please.

Johan: Hum ji bun! Must act fast!

Yvonne: I have this feeling that it'd screw up somehow.

Due to the overwhelming positive response, I've made the decision to do so.

I sent her home after our date. It was a silent journey back because I was too busy thinking of something drastic to do before popping the question to her.

We were less than 10 metres away from her place. I was desperate for an opportunity.

"SHIT!! This is not as easy as I've anticipated! I must do something ASAP! ITS NOW OR NEVER!!!"

Jerry: Owwww..... (crouches down & wraps his stomach)

Yi Xin: How did you get a stomachache out of a sudden?

Jerry: Eh....... Ignore that, I've something to say to you.

Yi Xin: Err.. Ok? What?

Jerry: I like you.

Yi Xin: Huh? What did you say? Can't hear you well.

Jerry: 我喜欢你！

Yi Xin: Eh.......... I don't know how to answer you.

Jerry: -_-'" *I guess this ends the conversation*

Although I blamed her previously for being an indecisive arse, I've learnt how to appreciate the things she did only after I broke of with the ex girlfriend.

Comparing the 2 of them with Roses, I would say one was freshly plucked from the shrub (forgetting the fact that the thorns are still intact) while the other was broken beyond recognition by someone who got ditched on Valentines day. No prizes for guessing who resembles which.

Anyway, lets drive completely out of point and head towards some nonsensical babbling.

I bought a new wallet by the way. I was contemplating between a Pierre Cardin and a Braun Bruffel leather wallet without a coin compartment since that is the main reason why I end up with so many broken cards. Not to mention the fact that a coin compartment actually wears your wallet down faster.

see what I mean?

wear & tear from excessive usage

mighty wallet

Darren brought both Kenneth and I to some arty-farty store near China Town (The Trolley if I'm not mistaken). Lots of creative stuff for sale (like a towel hanger in the shape of a shuriken). Spotted this tray filled with "mighty wallets". Each wallet has a unique design.

Apparently they are made of some power like material that is 10000 times tougher than paper. Meaning to say that it won't tear that easily. I bought one on a whim since Kenneth was very inclined to get one for himself. Since it was cheaper to get 2 and it was just $20+, what the heck, don't think just buy!

made out of some unique material

Lets view more random stuff just to kill time.

random ID cards

you'll never get to see my ugly face.

these photos would end up in the safety of my shoe box

Ok, I'm tired. Good night!

2010-02-08T00:51:00.001+08:00

I will be water.

2010-02-03T13:27:00.001+08:00

My last shot at watching the AMIT concert. Also my perfect excuse to head to Taiwan.

click me

now, we wait.

Don't get me wrong

2010-02-02T01:05:00.004+08:00

OMG I'M A SUCH AN IDIOT!!!

I gave A-Mei's (Zhang Hui Mei) concert a miss due to the lack of funds. I am a HUGE A-Mei fan despite my looks & making such a decision is extremely painful. A victim of circumstance so to speak. AMIT, her latest album features her dark "alter ego" as displayed in her songs.

Marty Friedman was there too! This would be the one thing that will make me bang my head on the wall until my house comes crumbling down.

As my friend Raymond would say when he screws up big time:

FUCK ME! FUCK ME :( !

I shall now slip into depression :( . This is one thing that I would regret, definitely. I am not even joking.

Here is a review on her concert.

Blatantly taken from A music blog by TODAY. Kudos to the reviewer.

THERE’S no better way to say this – or maybe there is, but I just can’t think of them – so I’m going to just go ahead and say I’ve just had one of the best concert performances this year. Yup, thanks to the good folk at Unusual Entertainment, your Abang here was lucky enough to go watch Amit astound a sold out crowd at the Singapore Indoor Stadium last night.

I know people thought that a gig so soon after her F1 Rocks performance in September, a mere four months ago, wasn’t a good idea. Well, they were silly – and wrong.

I could go on gushing about what a fantastic show it was, despite it being three hours long, but I won’t, because really, words can’t come close to that music epiphany. So I’ll just give you the highlights.

AN AMIT CONCERT IS NOT AN A*MEI CONCERT. Even though it’s done by the same person. Really. That’s what she reminded us all night. What’s different? Well, while an A*mei concert is a great exercise in showmanship; an Amit concert just simply ROCKS! There’s the slick production value, but it’s just dirty and nasty at the same time. This wasn’t just an Amit concert, this was an Amit rock concert.

NO, REALLY, IT’S A ROCK CONCERT. Even her most perky of pop numbers like OK, Three Days And Three Nights, Fire, Because Of Me and Falling were turned into hard-hitting rockers.

AMIT LOOKS… BIGGER. Speaking of dirty and nasty, her leatherlovecorset/jacket over her leopard prings dress left little to the imagination, causing someone to remark, “Did she get a boob job?” “No, push-up bra,” came the reply.

AMIT’S VOICE. An angel’s voice singing devilish hell all night. And just to prove that she could, she tackled a snippet of that famous operatic aria, Nessum Dorma – in full flight soprano. The last time we heard a range like that – live, without in-studio trickery – was probably Faye Wong. Speaking of Faye, Amit did a blistering version of the former’s Oncoming Love, with a blinding guitar solo by…

…MARTY FRIEDMAN. Yes, you read right. (If you don’t know who he is, just ask your muso friends – any rocker worth their salt will be able to tell you.) Although we weren’t sure at first. “That guitarist looks a lot like Marty Friedman,” said a fellow journo when the concert started. Then right at the end, Amit gave him a shout out: “On guitar… Mardddddddyyyyy!” But what’s he doing with Amit? The last time we checked the dude who used to kick out the jams with Megadeth was having a fun time in Japan, even starring in Japanese movies. And now he’s firing up the frets with one of Taiwan’s best singers. Yup, you said it – a step up fer sure! (Haha)

IT MIGHT GET LOUD. With Marty in her corner, why wouldn’t it? The decibels were cranked up as the show went along – and we’re pretty sure his guitar can go up to 11 – but in a good way, not like what happened with Maroon 5.

And so we left – a little tired but fired up at the same time. As the Grateful Dead might have said, what a strange long trip it was. This won’t easily be forgotten – heck, it’s 24 hours later and the ringing is still in my ears. CHECK BACK HERE FOR MORE PICS AND MEDIA.

(Thanks to Unusual Entertainment, Rich Host Productions for the photos and other media.)

fuwa fuwa time

2010-01-28T02:11:00.011+08:00

I told Esther that she updates her blog a little too frequently. She replied claiming that her entries were not very long and they can be read within 5 minutes.

Being a university student (in general), you'd never be offered the luxury of time. That being my greatest excuse (for almost everything =x) , I was a little hesitant to read her recent updates thinking that it would be extremely time consuming. It does seem little intimidating when you can't find the end of the entry after getting one quick look.

You guys might not know but I've always had this stereotypical belief that girls have quite a huge tendency to babble on about things that guys are just simply not interested in (Like how many layers of foundation should you put on your face, are your nails dried yet, trouble deciding what to wear etc etc). I might have these thoughts floating around in my mind but since ~~I've got quite a bit of spare time after class~~ she is my friend, I will choose to believe in what she said :).

Strange, I don't remember having the ability to whiz through passages in a blink of an eye (I can't say the same when looking at pretty girls =D). It was at that moment that I almost thought I saw the words "in your face" flashing across my computer's screen.

just like that.

She was right. I hate to say it but I guess that is what you get in return for lacking faith in your friends :/.

However, it was then I realised what her secret formula for generating 5 minute entries was.

MORE PICTURES, LESS DIALOGUE!!

First, I'd have to take an introductory picture. I made quite sure that I'd turn out hensem.

dazzled by the intricate design on the can of Pepsi.

The intention was use this picture to rival against the person that I've labeled the zi lian princess (or am I trying to hide the fact that I'm slowly being consumed by the act of narcissism? Hope not!).

Anyway, more random pictures to entertain my readers.

my red haired saga.

stoning at work.

see what??

masterpiece? yes, no, yes?

POP dinner. tall dark hensem???

baking sessions could get a little gay. could you believe that NS created this 95kg Jerry?

massacre!

I love flowers.

Did this entry take 5 minutes of your time? I hope it did because I wanted to know whether I could pull it off. I'm quite pleased with the way things turned out.

On second thoughts, maybe I should stick to my style of blogging, mindless ranting with a tinge of emotion. It was fun to create such an entry though , I liked it, really :D.

Lehlicated to EKSY..

2010-01-25T01:56:00.002+08:00

How I wish my thoughts were summed up into little passages that fully expressed what I was feeling at any given moment that had some form of significance. I was reading old entries on this blog and I realised that I've managed to do it flawlessly. They were brief, simple and straight to the point. That only goes to show that I was living without a care in the world back in those days. I mean, there was probably nothing significant to ponder about since the entries were so brief.

Although I don't regret being that person that I am today, I wouldn't mind reverting back to my old self while thinking of new blog entries. That would save a whole lot of time & increase the number of posts significantly! Now that would be a good thing.

Unfortunately, I know for certain that going back to being the person that I was 6 years ago is impossible.

Too bad.

no more I love yous

2010-01-18T23:07:00.011+08:00

2010 has been great for me so far. I felt an overwhelming sense of liberation after settling a few personal issues that have been bothering me for the longest time.

I might not have dealt with them in the most elegant way possible but I do believe that something drastic has to be done so that people will take my words seriously. I do not want to portray myself as a person who is all bark and not bite.

I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did. As long as you step on all my toes at once, I wouldn't hesitate to make your plans backfire at you (Cliche as it might sound, I didn't expect a phrase from a Backstreet Boys song could fit so well into this blog entry).

I have always deemed myself to be a very tolerant person (I know that I've mentioned this like 325246425 times in previous entries but there is always this urge to emphasize that fact. Bear with me :/. ) but forcibly dragging me out of my comfort zone would not benefit you in the slightest bit.

If I were to do things using the soft approach all the time, chances are things will work out nicely but I will never get my fair share of the cake. Weight loss is a good thing for me but it just doesn't apply to such a situation.

When I am extremely displeased with someone, I wouldn't fail to tell them:

"You can either do things your way or my way. Your choice."

Don't ever give me that opportunity to say those words to you. I would consider that a last resort. No different from sitting on a ledge thinking which would be the better option. It does more damage to me than it does to you. I can't get to sleep because I can't help thinking about what I've done.

I don't know why but it took me quite a long while to realise that there is no point in taking the time to explain your intentions to people knowing that all they would do is blatantly pass it off as the wind blowing beside their ears (A flawless translation? You decide.)

I won't want to be that man who is willing to take a generous portion of his time to get his intentions across anymore. I've come to the conclusion that I have to be extremely biased towards people since I don't want to feel like a floor rag for them to wipe their dirty feet on.

Relations was not the greatest issue that I faced, money was. I felt that people were not taking me seriously when it came to such a sensitive issue. I love money and I'm willing to do many legal things to attain as much of it as possible. In short, I slog for it & I don't see a point in lending it to people when all they have to do is, cut out a small portion of their face, throw it in the bushes & open their mouth like a young bird waiting to be fed.

I am the kind of person who is more than happy to support your "needs" but not your "wants". The moment you tell me that you are getting a new gadget after settling important stuff like your 3 meals or school fees, how do you expect me to feel? Excited because you are getting something really cool or cheated because you lied to me?

No such nonsense anymore. I have had enough. My money is mine to keep. It's not a matter of me being stingy because I've concluded that most of you guys are even more cheapskate compared to me (Agnes is spared from this statement cos she willingly let me use her cash card for ERPs. A salute to Agnes for her steady-ness (no pun intended really)).

When was the last time you treated me to a meal for no reason at all? It's the little things that count at least for me.

Oh well, no point beating a dead horse so let us skip to the happier things in life. To be continued in my next lengthy entry.

2010-01-06T00:51:00.002+08:00

I used to write notes but not anymore.

The reason is, I can't deliver the things that I wrote anymore. Times change along with people.

live like we are dying

2009-12-27T13:19:00.004+08:00

The term "mother" is nothing more than a word to me now.

The word "mommyyyyyy" has slowly degenerated to just "me" (try pronouncing it within a split second) . This just goes to show how much we dislike calling you that.

It is not easy to deal with someone that makes no sense at all (think of a senile person). She would find the easiest way out of any situation by simple saying: "Don't be rude to your mother!" .

That is not an argument at all. She is merely using her power as a life bearer to brush off any form of disobedience. What ever happened to talking it out? Rather, was it even existent in our family? It's not that we didn't try, she just did not want to approve of such "atrocities".

Obviously people with limited amount of wit can't think of logical reasoning to convince people that they are not in the wrong. Even if she got shot down in flames, doing that might earn her some respect from me. Unfortunately, that has never happened before. Her trump card "I'm your mother" never fails to win an argument. However, every single times she flashes it, a little bit of respect just seem to slip out and sink into a void, never to surface ever again.

No different from being a tyrant, right?

The harsh fact is that none of your children like you. Did you know that? Probably not. You live in your prefect world of assumptions. I feel that it is extremely sad for a parent. However in that aspect, I thank you for being such a bad role model. At least now I have a very clear idea on how to treat my children in future. Don't get too conceited just because I thanked you because it does not change the fact that I wish you were dead.

It doesn't matter whether you are my mother, my grandmother or anyone who is part of my family. The fact that I do not like delusional egoistic fucktards who think that they are sitting on some throne expecting people to lick his/her feet clean still stays rooted in the ground.

It clearly indicates the fact that you don't bother to know your children well. You just used fallacious reasoning and slab labels on us thinking that you are always right.

Example:

Phyllis is a girl.

Girls like to shop.

Therefore Phyllis likes to go shopping.

Bzz bzzz! WRONG!

I screamed at her over the phone yesterday because she threw away $700 worth of stuff that belonged to my friend in the rubbish chute while I was still asleep. After searching for the bag for some time without any luck, I knew something was amiss. All it took was a phone call to confirm it. Cliche as it might sound, the worst case scenarios always happen.

I had to search for them in the pouring rain in hopes that they were not cleared. It was both disgusting and degrading for a resident living in a Condominium to open the rubbish chute just to search for something. If those things were not found, I might resort to violence if I have to.

The fact that she could simply throw my stuff away clearly indicates that she only care about things that belong to her.

Would you like me to throw your jewellery into the trash? I wouldn't mind standing there & laughing at you while you frantically rampage the dustbins although I know for a fact that you are too lazy and pampered to search for it yourself.

She blamed me for putting the bag on the sofa "near" the bag of old clothes.

Fine I suppose I could force myself to close one eye on that. The most ridiculous thing was, the stuff in that bag were all brand new.

LOGICALLY thinking, why would ANYONE throw away BRAND NEW stuff? Did she bother to even ask? apparently not.

She blamed ME for both randomly chucking my things & scolding my mother. If she spent 5 seconds to ask, would things have happened like this? My father has NEVER thrown away a single thing without asking, NEVER.

At that very point I was fuming mad. A heated exchange of vulgarities followed. She went overboard the moment she decided to put all the blame on me.

me: I want you to clean the things for me, they smell of pineapple.

mother: Ask the maid. Why me?

me: no, I want you to clean because you caused it to be dirty. I want you to take responsibility. If not, you just keep doing stupid stuff like this again.

mother: WHY MUST I DO IT? DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUPID THINGS!

me: APOLOGISE! GOD DAMN IT! YOU BETTER FUCKING APOLOGISE!

mother: WHY? IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU KNOW! WHO ASK YOU TO LEAVE YOUR THINGS SO NEAR THE UNWANTED STUFF.

me: YOU HAVE THE FUCKING CHEEK TO SHIFT THE BLAME ON ME?! FOR YOUR INFORMATION MY STUFF WERE PLACED ON THE SOFA. IT'S NOT AS IF THEY WERE PLACED TOGETHER!

mother: NO NO NO, YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER DON'T ANYHOW SAY!

me: YOU ARE LIKE A CHILD! CAN'T YOU FUCKING GROW UP?!

mother: AIYAH FUCK LA FUCK LA! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR STUPID NONSENSE!

At that very point, I knew that I could have just burst a blood vessel and died on that very spot. My whole body was trembling, my breathing was irregular & my ears were ringing. It was apparent that I've totally lost it. Thankfully my father stood in the way.

He told me to stay calm. Like how was that possible? That person was dissing me for something she did! It made no sense why I had to back down.

You wait till you get old & sick. I would love to see you come begging us for help. You don't have to worry about your husband for as far as I know, I would make damn sure he leads a comfortable life.

All I ever wanted was an understanding mother. I feel like I'm very unfortunate every time I meet supportive parents. Though they might not lead comfortable lives but at least they are happy.

Would you ever try to understand us? If such a day ever comes, I think it would be too late to do anything.

Wake up, you are like 55 years old.

2009-12-09T11:47:00.003+08:00

only those deprived of a younger sister would desire for one.

2009-12-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

The negativity overwhelms me.

2009-12-09T00:29:00.002+08:00

It sucks to be remembered for the bad stuff.

The thing is, I have never seen Kenneth's mum before. Apparently a few years back, she gave Kenneth quite a good lashing of the tongue when she found out that her pack of apple juice was missing from the fridge. Unwilling to save his friend's arse, Kenneth revealed to her that the culprit was me.

Ever since then, I've been labeled as the apple juice theft.

I sent him home from work today since I needed to grab his DSLR anyway. In the midst of our mindless conversation, he mentioned to me something about his mother remembering me.

Jerry: Your mother knows who I am? How can? She has never seen me before.

Kenneth: Ya la. She only knows you as the person who drank her apple juice.

Jerry: .....

Stained for life.

2009-12-08T01:50:00.001+08:00

I'm truly disgusted with myself. There is no point crying over spilled milk but this lesson really painful to the wallet.

I think I need help.

2009-12-01T21:37:00.003+08:00

Mr Lin Qiliang has almost reached the 80kg mark. 70kg was the target but he should have been contented with being 75kg.

Damn you Macdonalds!!!

The way you make me feel

2009-11-29T22:13:00.005+08:00

Why do I get the feeling that everyone around me is trying their very best to piss me off real bad? It is very disappointing to know that the usual culprits are usually the ones closer to me.

If you are assuming that I would roll up the stress that I have accumulated from school and throw it on people, you are so wrong. I came out of the army learning one thing. That is, to deal with stress.

Are my words passing by your ears like the wind? Do I sound like sound like a broken record player? I personally do not believe so. If you were to agree with that statement of mine, how come people are not listening to what I am saying?

I know that I may come across as a nonsensical person but that does not mean that everything I say is nothing but bullshit. If that were the case, I should be locked up at some ward in IMH spouting nonsense all day.

I feel that I'm being tolerant towards people. Very tolerant.

Do not expect me to call you despite the fact that you have failed to arrive at the meeting place at the time stated. Give me 5 good reasons why I should do so. The only valid reason that I can think of is just out of good will.

Do you like to wait for people? If not, why the hell are you doing it to people?! You are completely oblivious to the fact that I felt like a total dimwit doing nothing but staring into blank space. Updating me on your location accurately would make me feel a whole lot better. It is times like these where sorry just isn't enough.

If you can't make it, tell me a little earlier and I would be totally fine with it. I would rather hear that as compared hearing you say 10 more minutes only to see you in 20. Who do you think I am? Mr nice guy? I'm sorry but he died a few years back.

Do you guys really like to test the patience of others? Are you guys that sick? Well, at least I feel disgusted to the point where I really do not wish to even explain to you why I feel that way.

I do not owe anyone ANYTHING! I hope this message is really clear. I am not going to be taken for granted. I do not want to be that piece of tissue that you throw away after you blow your nose.

It is very unfortunate to know no one really knows what I want from them. It is pretty ironic for a cheapskate like me to say this but the one thing that I really want from people is something that money can't buy.

That is, some form of appreciation.

Let me repeat myself,

I DO NOT OWE ANYONE ANYTHING!

One piece of advice. Do not ever make me feel as if I'm obligated to do something that you think I'm "supposed" to do. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what is going to happen if you do so. Do note that I would not hesitate to take extreme measures.

2009-11-29T00:34:00.004+08:00

listen more talk less.

no one wants to hear the word "chill" from you when he/she gets angry even though you really meant well.

listen to what they have to say instead of commenting. put yourself in their shoes. you don't want them to vent their frustrations on you instead of some other random target now do you?

let them pour it all out and it should be fine. all you have to do is be there.

2009-11-25T04:17:00.001+08:00

My friends WL & WH suggested heading over to Ngee Ann Poly to study for an upcoming paper. Sounded like an okay plan so I tagged along.

Thinking back, it seemed no different from running straight into a tiger's den thinking it was the best place to seek shelter from the rain. I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen later.

Being guys, it is ~~quite common~~ a norm to have nonsensical egoistic conversations while slacking off somewhere in between. That was when WL claimed that he could do anything you dare him to as long as it does not cause any harm to his body.

I was thinking to myself: " What an egoistic statement. No one in the right frame of mind would perform a dare without getting some form of reward in return" . Think about it, no one could really fault such an assumption, right?

To think that I was so sure. It appeared that the proverb "curiosity killed the cat" did not manage to get on board my train of thought on time.

Bearing that thought in mind, I told him: "If you dare, kiss him right now right in front of me!" ( I wanted to dare him to eat his own shit for the sake of ending that meaningless argument & get back to work but the unfortunate thing is, he was one step ahead :/ ). The smirk that I had on my face was as hard to wipe off as a stubborn stain on your favourite suit.

Then, the impossible happened. WH actually said: "not that I mind lah."

WHAT???

For the very first time in my life, I actually saw two guys kissing right in front of me. Let us not forget the fact that they are my course mates & I see them ever so often.

It felt both awkward & disgusting at the same time. If I could describe it, I would compare it to a scenario where you are in a club when a complete stranger staggers up to you, stuffs his head in your shirt & starts puking in it.

That image has left a scar on my innocent eyes. I would never look at things the same again :( .

2009-11-11T21:42:00.004+08:00

Green Day coming to Singapore. Not interested.

Muse coming to Singapore. Still considering.

张惠妹 coming to Singapore. Give me a HELL YEAH!!

If a car were to knocked me dead right before her concert, I would stay on this earth as a vengeful spirit & haunt the living asses out of that guy!

I also have to watch out for things like crazy mobs & deafening screams that could lead to my untimely demise. The fear of dying along with regrets is unimaginable at least for me.

WHO WANTS TO GO WITH ME???!!!

Click here

2009-11-09T13:52:00.002+08:00

What she said was true.

It is getting really addictive.

Hahahahaha! I don't owe anyone anything!

I do what I want to do.

over the edge

2009-11-05T21:06:00.001+08:00

I find it extremely irritating to deal with people who have huge egos. They are the messed up bunch who wouldn't take a second to even bother thinking why an argument broke out in the first place. Didn't it seem rather obvious that someone was wrong somewhere? Apparently that ego of his was way too big to even squeeze an apology out. Is it really that hard to say a word that consists of only five letters?

A little too cliche for me to say: "Its too late to apologize" now huh?

I don't like getting angry. All that it ever does is reveal the ugly side of me. Seriously, could you imagine something uglier compared to my face?

This is the last straw. Vernon Chong, get out of my life. You disgust me. Trust me, I meant every single word I typed.

Bille Jean

2009-10-27T23:12:00.005+08:00

My PSP went dead like 3 weeks ago. No matter how many times I've restarted the damn thing, the result stays the same. Quite disappointing for an item which had suffered countless abuse from my two hands. I've always thought it was supposed to be built like a tank since there would definitely be people who would toss it around more than I would. Guess I was wrong on that part.

An obvious sign from someone above telling me to quit farming items in Dissidia & start studying for my final paper. A powerful gesture indeed. It left me no other choice but to try & drown myself in the infinite sea of knowledge ( to be honest it was just one textbook ).

Compare my brain capacity to the vast amount of fats in my body. No matter how hard I try to drown myself, I would always end up floating. There goes another opportunity for a distinction :/ .

Anyway, I hopped down over to the Sony Gallery at Wisma in hopes of getting my PSP fixed the "just" way. On top of that, a few "horror stories" were what it took to affirm that decision of mine.

According to the person who attended to me, it would cost roughly $30-$50 to get it fixed only IF it was a software problem. It was also mentioned that a new firmware would be installed, which would render my PSP useless as a result.

In simple terms, that would limit me to playing UMD games only. Well, could always send it for modding again except that it is ILLEGAL ( I'm obviously trying to feign ignorance here ).

If the repairs & mods do not exceed $100, why not? I would rather get a brand new unit if it is going to cost more than that since it would only cost slightly more. Makes sense no?

I've received a call in the morning from the PSP Tech. Apparently my PSP's motherboard got damaged due to excessive mishandling ( just imagine the countless number of times it kissed the floor ). That alone would cost me $250! Madness I say! Apart from that, he also claimed that my analog stick was a little worn out ( Monster Hunter 2G's fault ). An additional charge of $40 would be added. I give him credit for being able to tell me about the charges in a very calm manner as if it was nothing out of the ordinary.

$290??!?!?! Siao ah?!

There is no room left for discussion. That amount was way far from what I've initially expected. I want my PSP back. No need to bother yourself Mr Tech although I appreciate your time & effort.

I met up with ********* for dinner later that evening. To be honest I didnt expect it to be anything more than just a normal meal.

Surprise surprise! She told me that I could have her PSP for FREE!

FREE!! FREE!!! FREE!!!!

The thing is, I have already decided to get a new unit during the weekends even though I knew for a fact that I am going to eat grass for every meal during the following week. What really surprised me was that I did not mention a single word to her regarding the price for my repairs & the thought of getting a new one ASAP.

This is the first time in my entire life that my intentions were reciprocated the way I wanted them to be. No words were good enough to express my gratitude. ~~Either that or I really do have a limited volcabulary~~.

All that I could ever say to her was:

SHITLOADS!!!!!

~~Again, pardon the lack of volcabulary.~~

People claim that money can't buy you friends. However in this case, I would like to beg a differ. Even if there was this microscopic possibility that she was trying to buy my friendship, I would say that I'm completely sold.

Words from a fool who thinks with his heart & not his head. I applaud you for slicing a small portion of my heart open.

THANK YOU MS *********!!!!!

Your identity would for me to know, others to find out.

Love you deep deep.

Searching

2009-10-17T13:17:00.003+08:00

It is a known fact that many people trust me with their secrets. Quite a number of friends seek me just to talk about their personal issues. I must admit that I'm pretty good at keeping those secrets even though there is this common saying that self praise no praise at all.

Oh well, no one ever said that convincing people was an easy thing to do. Trust is something that could take years to develop but only a second to break. Fragile things should always be left out of reach of children :) .

However, the unfortunate truth is that I can't seem to keep my own secrets. Not that its a bad thing though. My belief is that if its not a problem for me to tell people things that they themselves would never want to tell others, then I have nothing to hide. That is the impression that I would like to give to others.

It sucks to keep things to yourself. All that ever comes out of your mouth is nothing but a voiceless scream. No one is going to save you if you do not speak up. Not now not ever!

Anyway, today's topic is rather informal. Ignore the tone of the passage that you have just read.

Before people tell me something that they do not want others to know, they would ALWAYS tell me the same thing.

"Don't tell other people ok? Not even Yvonne."

In my head I would be thinking: "What gave you the impression that I would tell her that?"

Oh well, maybe they don't really trust me that much after all :/ .

you really got me

2009-09-15T00:04:00.005+08:00

Things are falling apart progressively but I'm trying my best not to interfere. Why do I always pick up the pieces & glue them back together knowing that things would never be the same again? Ignoring the problem at hand could lead to desirable consequences for all I know. After all, I never had much luck doing otherwise.

I'm tired.

You might reach out your hand for me but you'd have to come up with a very good reason why I should grab it because sometimes, I think falling might be the better option. I tend to be a little biased so even if you have provided me a valid reason to do so, I would rather choose death. The only reason why is because I would prefer to choose the people I want to be indebted to.

Don't get too disgusted by my previous statement, I'm sure that a handful of people are just like that. They don't realise it thats all.

I killed the optimist in me. Unfortunately, I did not find a replacement for him. Well, I guess I could do without him for a while.

Good night.

2009-08-29T18:32:00.002+08:00

My camp mates were hitching a lift from me to Paya Lebar MRT station after our little bowling session at East Coast Park. I came to a stop next to an Audi R8 at a traffic light towards Eunos MRT station.

Do note that my dream car is an Audi R8 and I was totally amazed by it's sheer beauty. Obviously I was curious to know who was driving such a car. Upon taking a closer look, I saw this cute looking girl looking right back at me.

Being the person that I am, I said...

Jerry: Wah, that Audi R8 got chio bu leh!

Stanley: Really ah? Like that must horn her to get her attention.

Before I knew it, Stanley had his hands all over my steering wheel. Well, that definitely caught her attention alright. Obviously she was amused with our little prank and kept laughing back at us. Her boyfriend on the other hand, gave me a face that was darker than black.

Well, it wasnt my fault you know!!

Probably one of the more embarrassing moments in life. Such a disgrace.

2009-08-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

Temporary freedom. I love it.

2009-08-15T17:35:00.002+08:00

There is this very fine line being nice & being trampled on like no one's business. After all these years, I've finally realised which side I was standing on.

I'm a Buddhist & I've always believed that giving without thinking of anything in return was the way to go. Of course there were times where I thought otherwise but I would usually pass it off as me being greedy.

I shouldn't have thought of it that way. It is so much easier shove the blame on others. Why knock yourself on your head when it is not yourself to blame? The fact of life is, not many people would appreciate the fact that you are there for them. You might give it your best but what do you get at the end of the day?

How does it feel to be taken for granted? Feels worse than stepping on a big pile of shit doesn't it? That probably is the main reason why people become fucking cunts. They have probably taken enough shit to finally realise that they had enough.

Why take shit from other people when they don't appreciate the things that you have done for them? Ask youself, just how many people would do the same thing for you in return?

Things would not be the same anymore. This I assure you.

I am sorry Ms Ang. This would be the 4th change that you have seen in me after all these years. Thanks for listening though :) .

2009-08-10T01:16:00.005+08:00

If there was a chance to go back in time to say sorry, would things have changed for the better?

There were decisions in life that I wish I had never made. Though I've learnt from them, the price I paid sure isn't worth every bit of it.

friendship > money, I've always believed in that.

Although the hatchet might have been buried along with Megatron into the Laurentian Abyss, things will never be the same as before. I have to keep that fact caged up somewhere in my mind & throw the keys away.

2009-08-05T20:32:00.001+08:00

I grew by 1.5 cm.

Hole Hearted

2009-08-04T23:51:00.004+08:00

People say that you have to love yourself before you can ever love another.

Somehow, I can't quite agree with the statement above. As ideal as it sounds, I have never met such a person who fits that exact description before. On the other hand, I had come across quite a number of people who love themselves too much to even bother about others.

One such person would be my ex-girlfriend. Till this very day, I still hate her very much for being the dumbfuck that she is.

After staggering lazily to the comfort of my own bed every night, I pray to every God that I can possibly think of in hopes that she gets rammed by some heavy vehicle, have her face dragged over the rough surface of the road for more than 10 metres and end up getting sliced into 3 pieces by 2 passing motorcycles.

Anyway, I am straying a little over here. The main reason why I'm rambling all over this entry is due to the very fact that I've had enough with selfish people!

I'm pissed off!

RAWR!!!!!!!

I really wonder how those people could actually muster the courage to ask others for the most unreasonable favours & think that it is perfectly fine to do so.

Horseshit!

Just to save a few dollars, they would go to the extent of asking you to bother a friend of yours so that he/she could reap all the benefits. The thing is, that person is not related to your friend at all. How different is that compared to asking a complete stranger for the same request?

I believe cheapness has its limits. Do not even attempt to make yourself look bad in front of others just for the sake of saving a few dollars. Its not worth the humiliation at all.

Its as if you are going to the temple every bloody day just to grab a free packet of vegetarian noodles. You have everything to gain but nothing to lose while the poor chefs (probably the aunties who help around the temple out of good will) gain nothing but a lashing of the tongue from you only because you felt that they were taking their own sweet time to cook your meal. Fuck! If that is the case, even your assumptions are selfish. Those people are rotten to the core I say.

Question here is, would you bother another friend of yours just to help that selfish individual?

Thing is, I really wouldn't mind helping a friend out if he/she asks me for a favour. If it is within my means & I don't think that it is too unreasonable, I would help without much bitching.

I don't like bothering other people too much for anything. I believe that people are only willing to give up a little bit of their time to offer you a helping hand if you needed one only because you are his/her friend & he/she actually gives a shit about you.

If you have nothing to do with a person, why would you even bother to waste your precious time & effort on him/her? He/she probably wouldn't even think about thanking you in person even though you might have tried your best to offer some assistance to him/her.

I believe that there is absolutely no sincerity in telling your friend to pass the message telling him that you said thanks. In a crude way, I would say that is nothing but a pile of BULLSHIT! However, in a slightly nicer sounding way, that is nothing but a cheap excuse to show your so called "appreciation" when deep down inside, you know that you don't give 2 shits about it.

You might decline your selfish friend's nonsensical request but he/she would get all mad at you just because you refused to help a "friend in need".

Hello........... Wake up call here......

The fact is, you only care about yourself. Therefore, you want everything to work conveniently for you.

Stop being so self-centered! The world doesn't revolve around you & it probably never will. Get the fuck out of that bubble that you are living in & start noticing the people around you. Would you like it if someone keeps bugging you for every little thing?

Sometimes I wonder, is it really that difficult to be more considerate to others? All it takes is just a little effort. If you can't even do that, I'm sorry but you would be regarded to me as a failure to the entire human race.

good night.

2009-07-26T22:49:00.004+08:00

I have always looked up to you. You were always there to remind me that there was more to life than just living. What kind of person I be if I have not met you?

some of the random questions that I ask myself when I think about you.

I have been very dependent on you since day one. If I were to compare it with something, I would say that you are like the 5mg of Amlodipine that I've been swallowing every morning. What would I be without you? Well if I were to reference it with Amlodipine again, I would most probably die from a stroke before the age of 30.

The questions that I have been brooding about now are, what if you have changed? What if all that I have looked up upon since then was nothing but a mere memory? I am beginning to feel more & more distant from you.

It is true that I do not like changes but that definitely does not mean that I cannot adapt to them. I believe that I am stronger than I used to be in case you might not have noticed.

Come to think about it, what if I was wrong all along? What if everything that I have known about you was nothing but my own interpretation? Am I trying to deny the fact that you are not the person whom I expected you to be?

I am lost. What should I do?

2009-06-11T23:56:00.006+08:00

my dear sister Phyllis has been hounded by a horde of guys ever since she started work.

the OL (Office Lady) look certainly has some appeal for guys but this is getting a little out of hand.

I was eavesdropping on her conversation with her friend while she was on the phone. I know very well that it is a shameless thing to do but ~~I don't really care~~ I do worry for my poor sister .

I overheard her saying that some guy at work gave her a box of Tim Tams just because he didn't like it.

that little gesture might sound really sweet but let me convince you that it is pure bull shit. I honestly felt that it really was one of the dumbest way to score points from a girl.

think about it. it is a known fact that Tim Tams are simply irresistible. anyone who dare claims that Tim Tams don't taste good either has horse shit permanently attached to his taste buds or has a brain defect that has made him retarded with a messed up sense of taste at the same time.

see, not only did he reveal his lack of intellect to come up with a decent plan to catch the attention of my sister, he has also insulted her by shoving something that he didn't like to her hoping that she might like it.

that, is a very risky move. after all, there is a 50% chance that she might not like it.

if I were to compare it with another scenario, it would be the same as me snacking a packet of fried cockroaches & shoving it down Yvonne's throat just because I felt that it tasted like shit. in such a case, Yvonne would most definitely throw a hard punch on my fragile face. it happened once. don't want it to happen again.

what is my sister to you? your sad excuse for a dustbin? FUCK OFF!

when a guy is in love, he usually never thinks with his head.

sad but true.

2009-05-18T12:50:00.002+08:00

I failed my TP test, again.

I should have realised that I was no miracle child and booked a lesson before I did the actual test.

I was either complacent or plain cheapskate.

I really deserve to have my arse kicked.

2009-05-13T23:56:00.003+08:00

Don't you get the feeling of stabbing people sometimes?

for now, I feel like stabbing Yvonne.

STAB!

STAB!

STAB!

STAB!

STAB!

this is definitely the hate part of my love/hate affair with her.

it would only turn back to normal if I manage to get some sleep later tonight -.-'".

sucks being an over thinker but I think it sucks even more to have a mind fucker as your close friend :/ !

one day, I'd most definitely turn the tables on her :/ !

Let Love In

2009-04-30T13:30:00.012+08:00

Many things have happened over the past one month (like obviously). This entry might end up being quite a long entry because Yvonne totally fucked my mind by telling me that I've been "detached" from her life after not contacting for such a long time.

Since she did a very good job at making me "清醒" by just one sms, I've given her a very prestigious title of being an efficient mind-fucker. I wouldn't even be surprised if her future husband decided to jump off a ledge one day. I hope she takes that as a compliment.

Keeping in touch with friends require 2 hands to clap but that is never the case when it comes to Yvonne. She probably knows the reason why. If not, she must have totally forgotten what I have told her back when we were just starting out in NP (Ngee Ann Polytechnic). To sum things up, lets just say that I have a different way of dealing with her as compared to others.

I might sound biased but that is solely based on your personal opinion.

Anyway the truth is, I didn't meet up with many people only because I wanted to save some money for a rainy day. My cheapness certainly has taken a serious toll on my social life. However, thanks to her gentle little reminder, I've decided to avoid the "how is life?" question by updating this blog of mine.

Okay, lets see what I've done for the past month:

- Went to Punggol for a Lomography session.
- Flunked my TP test.
- Cleared my 2nd year IPPT .
- Got my promotion.
- Got my Gekisou Haruhi from Kareshi Kanojyo no Mise .
- Went to CGH to treat the wart on my right thumb.

Lomography

Let me show you an example of it.

a random shot of some church near Bugis

For those who think that this picture was heavily touched up by some function on Photoshop, you are wrong. The truth is, none of these pictures were ever edited at all (resizing does not count!). Surprised? I hoped so. If not, just skip to the next portion.

Basically in order to get such a shot, you would have to send a roll of slide film for cross-processing (meaning to develop the slide film as negative film) which would add a whole lot of saturation & contrast to the picture making it look unique as compared to those sharp jaw-dropping images that you can take from a regular DSLR (Digital Single Lens Reflex) camera. It is something new & refreshing in my opinion.

It was very unfortunate that Agnes could not make it at the eleventh hour. Out of all the girls that I knew who were interested in Lomography, she was the only one who was enthusiastic about the idea of waking up early in the morning to meet up all the way at Punggol just to snap some random shots.

In my opinion, I believe that light plays a very significant role when it comes to photography. There is a significant difference between a shot with good lighting & a shot which doesn't. That is why I felt that the morning would be the best time of the day to take photos.

However, Zhen Ru on the other hand believes that sleep is more important than taking nice shots. I cannot blame her though. She is after all the epitome of all human laziness. I really do feel like stabbing her from time to time but I feel really blessed that I am not her boyfriend.

I swore that I would never date a lazy person after the last breakup. No offence to Zhen Ru personally though, I still like her very much as a friend :) .

Anyway, lets see the difference between a shot having sufficient & insufficient light.

underexposed but still good. a very "horror movie" looking shot.

just nice! I like :)

As most ~~people~~ guys would say, most girls tend to have this syndrome called "三分钟热度" (which loosely translates to "3 minutes of flame" in English). What that means is they have interest in something for a short period of time only. In my personal opinion if you have a burning interest in something, you would find all ways & means to dig up as much information as possible & grab every opportunity to apply what you have read up.

I find it very weird for a lot of guys to simply brush Lomography off as a girl's hobby. I find this scenario is very similar to cooking. Girls are expected by guys to be good at cooking but in actual fact, most of the famous chefs in the worlds are guys.

Kenneth was quite disappointed as he was looking forward for her to come. He envisioned this image in his head of a girl standing in the middle of all the tall “lalangs” with the wind blowing against her hair. Too bad that never happened. We replaced it with this picture instead.

close but not exactly what he had in mind.

In life, nothing ever comes out smoothly as planned. After all, shit happens.

We both had fun though, despite the hot whether, we managed to finish one roll of film each.

My favourite shot of the day was the very first shot I took of the Matilda's house in Punggol as we were approaching it. I wanted to have a peek inside to see if those Singapore Paranormal Investigators were lying about the many "happenings" that occur in that house but it was all fenced up unfortunately.

I really like the "feel" of this one.

The rest were all taken near the beach.

be one with the lalangs.

the wide angle lens made this dead tree come back to life.

you can hardly go wrong with sky shots.

- All pictures were taken using Kenneth's Vivitar Ultra Wide & Slim plastic camera.

- The film used for all coloured shots were taken with Kodak EBX 100 while all B&W shots were taken using Kodak 100 TMX.

It would be great if more people could join us for our Lomography sessions. Then again, thinking of a nice place to snap good shots sure isn't easy here in Singapore.

TP Test

I flunked pretty badly with a score of 28 points. Apparently, he claimed that I was driving too slowly despite me telling him that I was being cautious. Obviously, he didn't buy it. I never liked old men because they tend to come in the same package as their huge egos.

I was so confident that I could pass because I felt that I didn't screw up too badly in the circuit. Nothing I did resulted in any immediate failures. It is annoying to think that I was snickering at the 2 ladies who were sitting in front of me because I overheard their testers talking about how bad their parking was.

I begin to question: Why do we Buddhists believe in karma? At times like these, it sure sucks to be one.

My next test date is on the 18th of May. This time for sure, I'd remember to step harder on the accelerator.

$160 for rebooking & $25 for a new PDL certainly is no laughing matter :/ .

Cleared my 2nd year IPPT & got my promotion

Two of my main aims in NS is to get a gold for my IPPT & to get promoted to the highest rank possible within my 2 years of service. After looking at my results, I've concluded that getting a gold might take a little longer than I've initially expected. I might have barely passed my IPPT but at least I was true to myself this time & I did not beg the PTI (Physical Training Instructor) to close one eye unlike the previous attempt.

My main purpose of taking IPPT so early is to fulfill the final criteria to get my promotion to CFC (Corporal First Class) instead of just clearing the 2nd year window for IPPT.

I was quite upset that I didn't manage to run my 2.4km in 9 minutes & 44 seconds or less. To think that 9 minutes was my timing 1 year ago. Slacking too much took quite a toll on my overall level of fitness. It was not as if I'm too lazy to train for my 2.4km run. It's just that I always feel like dying every very single time I attempt it.

Anyway, I'd continue to train so that I can attempt to get a gold before I ORD in September. Even if I do not get gold at the end of the day, I'm very contented that I've managed to fulfill one of my goals in NS.

Corporal First Class

Got my Gekisou Haruhi

One of my many hobbies is to collect figurines such as this. I have never really posted any shots of my other figurines so I thought this would be a nice opportunity to do so.

nicely wrapped in a box.

goodbye to that annoying plastic wrapping.

Buying such stuff The wait for such a figurine to arrive might take roughly 3 months or so. All you can do is just stare at the pictures available online until the real thing comes to the shop.

I like the fact that the manufacturers take the effort to put extremely fine detail onto these figurines. Since I'm someone who always notices the little details, it is no surprise that I would like such stuff.

I know that this is a very Otaku-ish hobby but "lim peh song", what can you say :)

Went to CGH to treat the wart on my right thumb.

The wart on my right thumb has been pissing me off for the longest time.I mean it has been there since...... probably forever! Not only is it an eyesore, it irritates the crap out of me when I use my right hand to play guitar. The wart definitely has to go.

YongRu used to tell me to just cut the damned wart off. Apparently he managed to do it & it never grew back. Well, lucky him. I couldn't do the same as the wart would start bleeding like crazy before I was even half way there. It seemed to me as if a wart is like some kind of immortal cockroach that doesn't die despite you trampling on it like crazy.

No one in the right frame of mind would like to inflict so much pain on themselves. However, that is different when it comes to me getting poked by a needle.

Apparently I like getting IV-ed by my fellow medics. It makes me feel comforted to know that health care personnel would have no problem finding my veins if something bad were to happen to me in future. Problem is, I either have terrible veins or I'm surrounded by lousy medics. They only manage to get my vein after numerous attempts. However, after being IV-ed so many times, I've gotten accustomed to the pain.

Back to the point. Since slicing it off myself is not an option, my last resort is to get referred to a hospital to get the wart frozen off.

It's great to be an NSF at times like these. everything is being paid for (except for lunch) ! The pain felt different compared to needles. it was as if a needle was being pierced in and out continuously on the wart itself. quite an interesting experience I must say.

3 more sessions & I would be rid of this little burden. happy :) .

more updates to come.

Trouble

2009-04-03T22:06:00.012+08:00

I was just reading a few of my older entries that were written years ago.

bad decision indeed. I should have read something else :/ .

being a perfectionist by nature, I dislike being reminded of my past mistakes. if you have noticed, I don't usually cancel words by just striking it out once (I used the word "usually" in this case cos I can be lazy at times). I would either cover them with a lot of correction tape or shade out the entire area until no trace of it can ever be seen (if the first option is not available of course).

we are human. it is a known fact that making mistakes is something inevitable for all of us.

the "right" way to make the note look absolutely flawless is to write it on a fresh new sheet of paper after you are done writing up a draft. that way, there is absolutely no way that people can tell if you've made mistakes along the way. however, there are quite a few disadvantages to take note of. not only is this method a pain in the arse, it is also not eco-friendly at all.

there is always a price to pay for everything, that includes perfection.

for most people, they don't really give a flying fuck. to them, its just a mistake. whats the big deal right? for me, its a little different. I do not want to give anyone the opportunity to judge my mistakes. that, probably has a lot to do with my inferiority complex.

however on the bright side, I do believe that I am rather optimistic for a pessimist. now, shouldn't I deserve a pat on the back for that :) ?

I like making things turn out nice in the end but I'm a very lazy person by nature. just by looking at how often I update this blog , you can easily gauge my level of laziness.

yeah, I know its totally nothing to be proud of :/ .

the question here is: how do you make something work out nicely if you are too lazy to do things the "right" way?

for me, my answer would be to do things by "left" instead.

what do I mean by that?

from what I've observed, most people do not care about the process of how things get done. instead, they are ~~more~~ only concerned about what comes out in the end.

since that is the case, why go through the hard way when you have the option of taking a shortcut? both would lead to the same objective wouldn't they?

in the scenario above, doing things by "right" would mean writing on a fresh new piece of paper. however, did you put time into consideration?

doing things by "left" on the other hand would mean either spamming liquid paper or striking it out. imagine how much time you would have saved if you did either one of the above.

however for me, canceling with a line is not a valid option. not only would I find it untidy, it would also leave behind a trace of the mistake that I've made.

my objective here is to produce a note that looks close enough to perfect for me & does not reveal any mistakes that were made. as long as my objective is fulfilled, does the process even matter?

with the time saved, you could head to the kitchen, cook yourself a nice cup of noodles, mix a cup of 3 in 1 milo, add ice to the drink, walk back to your room and waste the extra time watching videos on youtube instead of furiously rewriting what you just wrote.

all those in favour of doing things by "left", say "aye!" .

of course, you could easily say that this entire issue here is brought up just to glorify the fact that people can produce results despite being lazy.

I assure you that is not the case :) .

--------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes, I really wish blogging could be a tad bit easier for me. it seems so difficult to write about how you feel & covering up the loopholes at the same time. as Ping Ting mentioned to me before, there are people who you do not want to reveal your blog to.

what could I do? changing my past is not a valid option, moving forward is. it took me quite a bit of time to find the courage to do so but I'm contented.

am I waiting for something to happen? probably.

2009-03-27T23:45:00.003+08:00

Toradora ended at ep 25.

oh man, it will be quite a while till another interesting anime pops up.

I put it second to Honey & Clover.

don't you love the slice of life genre? I do.

The Lucky Star

2009-03-07T14:16:00.008+08:00

my camp mates have been digging up my older blog entries to read as of late. apparently they seem to find great pleasure in exposing my so called "secrets". it might seem as if I'm joining in the fun laughing at my own stupidity but at the end of the day, it gets really irritating to be reminded of a past that you've chosen to forget.

I want my readers to read for the sake of keeping in touch rather than to seach high & low for any possible way to put me down.

question here is: "does it make you feel better when all you ever do to others is criticize?" if it does, I honestly do feel sorry for you cos the only thing that criticism has done for you is to revealed your low self esteem. in such a case I really think that being a sadist by nature does not count as a valid excuse.

I believe that there is a limit to things. for the unfortunate few who think that they are the high & mighty ones who hold the right to criticize your every single move & telling you how everything you do is wrong, I would strongly suggest that they spend just a little bit of their time pondering about their actions before you sense a change in the people around you.

I have never considered violence as an option to protect my beliefs. that is why in such cases, I've chosen to stay away from such people rather than picking a fight. after using your toe to confirm that the water is ice cold, do you think that you'd still want to take a dip? even if you go ahead & jump in, how long would you think that you'd last?

my archives are there to reminisce about the good times I had with friends. however, that depends whether I even took the effort to blog it down. if I didn't, there are 2 reasons why. the event was either insignificant or I was just being plain lazy.

I can safely say that I know exactly how I feel about myself. however, can you do the same for yourself?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

060309

I went out to meet Zhen Ru after work. the first thing I did was to stress to her that I've taken leave for the sake of slacking & watching movies at her place. apparently the last time I took leave to meet her for the exact same thing, it turned out to be some impromptu shopping trip which I felt was a waste of both time & money. considering the fact that my resources would remain dry for quite a while, I really don't want to let history repeat itself.

before I came to meet her at the smelly toufu store, she met up with Jen to comb the streets of Geylang in search for a nice shower head for her bathroom. since I didnt see her waving a shower head around in front of me, it was safe to conclude that they didnt have any luck finding one.

there was this mother scolding her daughter at the table next to us. what happened was that this little girl got lectured for tipping a chair off the curb. although she denied that it was her fault ( which was obviously her only excuse to cover up in hope to get out of the shit that awaits her), her mother kept bombarding her with an endless string of rhetorical questions & threats for the sake of hearing the answer that she wants to hear. although she was angry, I felt that she went a little overboard. she was afterall, just a little girl.

seriously, what is the big deal about kicking a chair off the curb by accident? did it fling a motorcyclist off his bike & landed him 10 metres down the road? no what!

when we were younger, our parents would get the answers they want out of us only by resorting to violence ( remember the cane marks you had on your hands back in primary school? ). as we got older, we became more educated thus making us more equipped to fend off any accusations that they have. I'm sure it doesnt feel good to get owned in every argument for like 12 years of your life. I believe that is the main reason why children start to revolt around the time they start secondary school.

although we felt that it was wrong for the mother to go all out on her daughter, who are we to judge? different people have different ways of dealing with things. I don't like to preach. probably the reason why I'm Buddhist ;) .

I suggested walking to Geylang East to continue the search for the shower head. although the distance was considerably short, it felt like forever cos of her endless rambling & bitching. not surprisingly, we managed to find a shower head at the first store we walked into. it was then I started preaching to her about patience being a virtue :) .

being the violent arse that she usually is, she started grabbing my fats like no tomorrow. thats probably one reason why I'm staying in camp almost everyday to exercise :/ .

we met up with Eng Hua shortly after that before heading down to Parkway for dinner. I was reading this poster on the glass panel on some store that sells health products. apparently it claimed that people with O type blood are required to do intensive exercise regularly!

KANNASAI!

I did a google search on it & guess what, its true! it almost felt as if I was struck with a curse. it sucks when I have to constantly watch my diet while other people can simply stuff their face with such glorious food without having to worry about gaining weight :( . I guess life was never fair to start with.

the good thing is, I have another excuse for being fat :D. I always get stuck when people ask me: "Jerry, how did you become so fat?" .

the true purpose for us to head down to Parkway was not to have dinner together. rather, we were there to accompany Zhen Ru to some 24hr clinic since most of them close at 7pm. she wanted to "chao geng" so that she could get an MC & skip work the next day.

I was looking at her & saying:

" I bet the doctor is going to give you 2 slabs of Anarex cos thats what "chao geng" recruits usually get " .

indeed, I was right :D . now I realise how easy is it to get an MC from a clinic. needless to say, I was "suan-ing" her like crazy after that :D.

before I went to bed, Von called me out for supper but I had to serve my duty the next day. I'd make it up to her somehow :/ .

by the way, I'm not biased.

Gloomy Sunday

2009-03-01T09:55:00.009+08:00

Question: what do you fear the most?

being left on the shelf? paranormal stuff? dying? teletubbies?

for me, it would be the feeling you get after being rejected. I tend to take things very hard even though they could be dealt with easily. who knows, maybe I wanted more drama in my life? heh, I can't understand myself at times.

when you get rejected for something or by someone, there are 2 ways you can go about it. one is to forget about it & move on while the other is to sink into the abyss of misery until one kind soul offers you a helping hand & pulls you out of it. being a pessimist, its quite obvious which was the option that I've chosen.

however my answer to that question above changed almost instantly when I was told to pay $300USD for Ebay charges. paying that crazy amount of money just because I listed an item 3 times is totally ridiculous in my opinion. apparently the charges for the listing fees were a tad bit higher than I've initially expected. to me, it actually felt as if paying a fine after being caught for throwing a cigarette on the floor. however, I just can't seem to convince myself to think that way cos I don't smoke to start with -.-'" .

it was then I realised that the feeling losing money was the one thing that could break me down to the state of anxiety almost instantly. I could feel the sudden increase in heart & breathing rate when all my thoughts start pouring in. some of them include things like:

why do I have to pay so much out of a sudden?

where do I get the money from in such a short span of time?

how do I survive for the rest of the month after I've paid the money?

questions like these kept flashing across my mind. well, go ahead and sue me for being a overthinker but to me they definitely need answers. if not, nothing would be done & the problem would continue haunting me for every waking moment of my life.

my resources are low at the moment due to the fact that I've just purchased another guitar. since I have nothing much at hand to sell, raising money at this point in time would pose as a problem indeed.

in a situation where money is involved, you either pay up or get it back. sure it sounds easy. I mean, how hard could it be to pass money back & forth?

the hard part is not about handing the money over or taking it, its the process of compiling the money. what could you do? get a job? sell your stuff? what if you do not have the luxury of time to do so? the fastest way to get money is still to borrow.

I don't like owing money only because I know exactly how it feels when people take their time to return my money. if setting fire in their houses was deemed legal somehow, I would be the first to rush to a store and buy a few tins of kerosene :D .

there are many things that I would want to buy but I believe that if someone else needs the money more urgently as compared to me, there is a high possibility that I would lend the money him/her without any hesitation. why? because I believe that it would serve a better purpose.

think about it, would you rather save a life or buy an Ipod?

however, I've learnt things the hard way. my ex girlfriend borrowed $300 from me claiming that she needed money to buy books for school. being her boyfriend at that point of time, would I question her any further? of course not. otherwise, where would the trust be?

it took me one year to get the money back from my her. one whole year, she sure did take her own fucking sweet time alright. during that one year, I've pestered her with countless smses, emails & PMs in hope that I get back every single cent that she took. the fear of losing money sure can make people do many things :) .

its not as if she took a whole lot of money. I mean seriously I can do without the $300 but I'm just not contented to let her keep it. dont understand what I mean? well............... just imagine if some other guy knocked your wife out, screwed her inside outside frontside backside, threw 3 fifty dollar bills in her face and left her stark naked at some alley.

what would you do?

if I could find him, I probably wouldnt kill him instantly cos I wouldnt be contented. I would rather let him suffer a slow and painful death. I might just force him to swallow 3 pills of Zolpidem, tie him up, mindfuck him, castrate him, feed his balls to some stray dogs and leave him to die on the table from excessive bleeding.

at the end of the day, its all about the contentment you get. same idea there don't you think? just that you'd die more horribly if you mess around with my future wife. don't even try to get started with my future daughter ( if I have one of course ).

the only people that I lend money to these days are my close friends only because they are people that I can trust. as much as I would want to help everyone out there, its just not fair for me at the end of the day. it begs the the question: " have you ever spared a thought for me? ". have you lent money to other people before? how does it feel when they take their own sweet time or they dont even try to pay you back? it sucks to be the money lender. thats the reason why I've stopped helping random strangers on the streets.

speaking of which, do I really have the "Please come to me for money" face? I've been approached by quite a few strangers recently for money to buy food. sure they can tell me their sad stories but I wouldnt be moved. if I help them, would they be grateful? they would probably be doing the same thing to other people after I've given them some money.

if it is something that I can give for free, I would. the only thing that I can think of is blood. I donate quite often only because I know that I've too much blood. I could fill an entire bag of blood in 5 minutes with ease. I would love to give more but they wouldnt let me. apparently the human body needs to have a certain amount of blood at all times.

I wish that I could sell blood by the packets. it is practiced in China back in the olden days right? I could probably set up my own chain of stores selling my blood. first of all its O+, many people could find a use for it. secondly, I seriously think that I have too much of it. if each packet could fetch $50, I would have enough to buy a Ferrari in no time! however, there is always the fear of having a needle prick injury.

I guess money to me is like a love/hate affair. as quoted by Buddha, the cause of suffering is selfish desire and greed. the more you want, the more unhappy life is. then again, I'm a pseudo buddhist. probably the reason why I can't seem to get it into my head.

anyway, $300USD would definitely burn a big hole in my pocket. might take a while to sew the hole back :/ .

desperation always deals the losing hand :( .

2009-02-08T11:52:00.003+08:00

Yong Sheng cracked me up during a conversation we had yesterday. If I were to quote it.....

" money buys you love. if it doesn't, at least it sustains it. "

guys, time to start working those hands to the bone for the moolah.

Decode

2009-02-01T13:16:00.010+08:00

I just got back to camp after sending a few patients over to another base. before I could even fall asleep in the comfort of a nice air conditioned sickbay, the emergency line rings -.-'".

don't people usually keep a few slabs of paracetamol & other flu related medication when they are living away from home? geez :/ !!

I've been getting very little sleep at night over the past few days. the only way to get those extra hours back is to sleep at every opportunity available to fulfill the daily 8 hour requirement. now, I can sleep anywhere from sitting on a bench to leaning against a pole. I guess serving the army does reap a few benefits :).

I might as well blog now since it might take some time for this I-net com to load the latest episode of Toradora! . apparently it has to go through a series of scans before its deemed safe to load. irritating.

basically I'm on my so called "apple diet". the plan is to stay in camp for the next one week eating nothing but apples & do intensive exercise with my friends who stay in most of the time ( cos they live too far away to go home on a daily basis) . the thing is, I totally forgot to buy apples the day before cos zr was rushing me to head down to her party & help out. no choice, I decided to make it a "mandarin orange diet" since that is the only fruit left in my fridge to last me for an entire week. talk about limited options -.-'" .

300109

had an impromptu gathering of poly friends. the call from them was as sudden as having a flower pot crash right next to your feet while walking across a few HDB flats.

nothing spectacular to expect from such a last minute thing. all we did was play Big 2 & Texas Hold'em until the wee hours of the morning. thankfully no money was involved. otherwise, I might have to live on grass for the next one week or two.

since Paya Lebar & Choa Chu Kang are like the opposite ends of the country, I can safely conclude that arriving really late was inevitable :) .

in such cases, I really think that I'm biased towards the different genders. I would arrive early if I were going out with a girl. however, I would do the exact opposite for a guy. guys in general don't give 2 shits if you were to turn up late. girls on the other hand would bitch at you all day just because you kept them waiting even for less than 5 minutes.

unreasonable as it seems, girls always say: "its an unspoken rule that guys are supposed to wait for girls".

what could we guys reply? nothing. if we did there would only be 2 outcomes, more bitching or dead silence. both options don't sound good so think twice.

I do agree with that above statement but only to a certain extent of course. 10 to 20 minutes is totally fine with me but 30 minutes to an hour is just plain bullshit in my honest opinion. you could give them a good lashing of the tongue but in the end, old habits die hard.

lets say you reported to work late. what kind of reasons would you give your boss? most definitely fresh new excuses cos the common ones are being used one time too many. I noticed that girls always come up with the same few excuses time & time again. if its not about their makeup, its got to do with the wardrobe malfunction.

Girl: "no choice what, girls must always look nice when they go out."

I'm one of those guys who appreciate their effort. I know it sounds perverted but I like to look at Von for a really long time just to notice the minor details. after looking at her, I realised that she doesn't put in much effort -.-'".

oh well, we guys should just simply classify those annoying things they do as cute to make ourselves happy. it beats getting all frustrated over it.

I realised that I totally went off topic. my bad.

310109

I slept for a bit before heading over to Changi Haven to grab the key from the guy in charge. why? cos I had to draw the key at friggin 0830?! rules are rules, I can't do anything about it. I was so tired that I fell asleep in the room for a good 30 minutes after getting hold of the keys.

I met up with Kenneth later in the afternoon cos he was going to bring me to The Lomographic Embassy Singapore along 12A Liang Seah Street. that place was so damn ulu. we actually walked past it! we managed to find it after looking through the signboards on the shophouses. I couldn't see it even though Kenneth was pointing in it's direction.

oh come on, the sun was blazing & it was hard to see :/ .

the prices there were amazing! they were way cheaper as compared to other more recognised retailers. apparently they are the ones supplying the retailers. cheap & me go extremely well together, just like red wine & beef. I put a reserve for it the moment I saw the price. if you guys want to look for lomographic cameras, LOOK NO FURTHER!!! thats the best place to buy such stuff! was contemplating to get one for myself but I've decided to get one from the 2nd hand market.

I have no real interest in taking "artistic" pictures but I wouldn't mind hopping on the bandwagon just for fun. my real love is with DSLRs. that's why I am so jealous of Zhen Ru who actually got one for her birthday. I was like frozen in time for 10 seconds when she first told me. it was really............. unbelievably.

after that we went down to Kallang leisure park to collect one of the figurines that I've ordered a few months ago. to me specific, its a character named Saber from the anime Fate/stay night .

pictures

I was busy deciding whether to go with the one holding the chopsticks & the bowl or the piece of meat. both were equally nice & I was totally spoilt for choices. couldn't wait to hurry home to start piecing it up :) .

I've been waiting for Zhen Ru's call since morning. it is very strange for the organiser to not contact me with regards to the details about handing over the keys. I was planning to hand the keys over to her ASAP & head there myself at around 6pm in the evening. at least I would have plenty of time to decide between the 2 options for the figurine.

giving her a call was one of the biggest mistake! not only did it rob away the time to fix up my figurine, I also had to put the figurine at home & rush down to her place to give her a hand.

I totally screwed up my plan of lighting up the place with my floating wicks in a glass cup filled with oil & water. apparently the paper supporting the wick was more soluble than oil. hence, there was no way the wick could light up. absolute failure! I was so depressed! I keep screwing up at the wrong times. sorry :( .

the party turned out pretty fine. I was like talking to a whole lot of random people cos I kept complaining to Zhen Ru that I was bored. what do you expect, I knew less than 5 people there. she'd be like: "you bored ah? talk to my friend la! he very nice one!". I spent the entire evening doing just that & was I friggin exhausted by the end of the day. girls are more difficult to talk to cos they are usually clustered in groups whereas guys are scattered in all directions.

most of the guys are serving NS now. pretty easy to talk to them cos I was like the super lao jiao as compared to them. I had the most fun talking to Guan Liang cos he was a medic as well. I like talking to medics/nurses. different healthcare workers have different approaches when it comes to dealing with patients. its fun to share interesting tips here & there.

Eng Hua was late. SUPER LATE!!! totally not fun at all! I expected him to come a wee bit earlier with Kah Sin. oh well, it was pretty disappointing but I must be understanding at times like these *nudge nudge* .

I've attended many birthday parties where I was totally bored out of my arse but the only thing I could do was stone. been there done that! I'm so sick of stoning around. its totally unproductive.

since it was Zhen Ru's big 21st birthday, I didnt want to play the role of being the party pooper. her cousin Emily was nice. well, how else can you describe a person that you've just met? her family friend Justin & boyfriend Joel were pretty ok themselves. I like working with friendly people. I would say that Zhen Ru was pretty lucky to have them around. without them, it would have been total chaos!

my impression of Emily was that she was this super socialble person. turns out that she wasn't as socialble as I thought she would be. well, expect the unexpected.

I initially wanted to join her friends for some drinking after dumping the keys back to the office. unfortunately not only was I going to drop dead at any second, I had to serve my role as the duty medic the very next morning.

took the bus back to Tampines bus interchange. walked all the way to the MRT station only to see that the last train has departed. thinking that there might still be some buses available, I walked back to the interchange. turned out to be a wasted trip cos the last buses were gone as well :/ .

then I thought about it for a second. didnt Jen just walk past me while I was walking back to the bus interchange?

by the way if you are wondering, Jen is one of Zhen Ru's friends from Poly. her name gets mentioned once in a while cos she lives very near the place where the ellas usually have tao huey. for your information, that tao huey shop is like a stone's throw away from my place. in simple terms, we live relatively near each other.

I was so tempted to give Zhen Ru a call to ask her to tell Jen to wait for me at the taxi stand so that we could share a cab back. it was already 12 midnight, which means the 50% extra charge applies! I don't like to pay so much for transport :( !

then again, I don't even know Jen. I didn't even talk to her at Zhen Ru's party. it would be the same as sharing a cab with a total stranger. it would be really weird to do such a thing. oh well, too bad for me I guess. there goes a portion of my lunch money :( .

I always have the habit of checking my email right before I sleep. it so happened that MSN signed me on automatically. chatted with Von for a little while. I kinda realised that we are total opposites. I would be the type who would toss & turn in bed just because I can't seem to find an answer for something while she would be the type who wouldn't really put much thought into it.

how did we end up as friends again?! I really have no clue..............

if I were to describe it, I would be the person throwing books off a shelve just because I felt that it was too messy while she would be the one picking them up & arranging them neatly.

I can't wait for the 12th of Feb. even though she wrote our appointment in pencil, I sure hope things would change after giving her that nice little present that she has been waiting for.

dear Von, you could say scars remind you of past mistakes. if that was the case I would most gladly pay for your plastic surgery :) .

Enemy

2009-01-25T23:34:00.001+08:00

a brand new year has come. unfortunate that it took me so long just to come up with my very first post of the year. for a fact, blogging does not put food on my table. therefore, updating this blog would never be on my priority list. new posts would depend solely on my mood.

come think about it, when was the last time any one told me to update and I did? probably never. there might be one or two rare occasions where Von managed to get me to update but there is no way that I'm sharing with you all how she did it. lets just say she has her own way of getting things done.

as mentioned in my previous post, I hate to organize events. for some reason or another, the finger keeps pointing back at me. it almost seems as if people are coming up with crazy plans just for me to criticize. after giving my honest opinion, they would get all angry & tell me to come up with something better since I found their plan so abhorrent. as a result, I do all the dirty I work. its not as if people can't come up with good plans. I honestly think that they are just too plain lazy to do so!

anyway, screw that. there are nicer things in life to write about.

like........ this wonderful book that I bought at Kinokuniya!

Spitz score/tab book

Kenneth & I went to the main branch at Takashimaya in search of Diana cameras (somehow 21st birthdays seem very significant to girls). for information sake, there is a counter dedicated to Diana cameras at Kinokuniya. why am I mentioning this? cos I really didn't know that there was such a thing. I mean logically speaking, who would have known that a bookstore carry cameras anyway? I wouldn't! unless you say I've been living in a well all this time. oh well.

my plan was to look at the models available and do a price check at the same time. unfortunately, they were totally out of stock and they would only come in a week or longer. who knows, maybe the ship carrying all those cameras sank halfway. either that or it has been held captive by pirates demanding an obscene amount of money.

it is a good thing due to the fact that I wouldn't have to live on grass for the rest of the week. however, it would be a bad thing to delay a birthday present for too long. never underestimate a woman's fury when it comes to birthday presents. they would shower you in endless guilt. that's why its always better to be the heartless cad than the good guy.

anyway, Kinokuniya is like the home of everything Japanese. Even though we've failed our quest of finding a Diana camera, we indulged ourselves with mountains of mangas & pictorial books. out of curiosity, I asked the information counter if they carried any score/tab books of Japanese bands. they do have a section for score/tab books but they are all English books. I mean, it would be kind of weird not to find any Japanese score/tab books in a Japanese based bookstore right?

just a question before I carry on. why would a cheapskate such as myself buy a score/tab book when scores/tabs are readily available on the internet? for a fact, tabs for Japanese songs are harder to find as compared to English or Chinese songs. don't believe me? try it yourself!

initially I was looking for The Brilliant Green's score/tab book since my friend has failed to buy one off Amazon.jp . I've searched the shelves 3 times over but to no avail.

have you people encountered such a situation where you've spent a whole lot of time searching for something but couldn't find it in the end? there are 2 routes to take from that point. its either you forget all about it & move on or you find the 2nd best option available. I am the kind of person who would pick the latter. after all, desperation always deals the losing hand.

hence, I bought the tab/score book for most of famous songs by Spitz. I listened to their songs every single day on my way to school when I was in year 3 of poly. not only do I love their songs, they were rather sleep inducing too. its a good thing for me.

believe it or not, I got to know of this band after watching an episode of Hard Gay. Stargazer was playing on the background when the guy was confessing to the girl he likes. I heard it before but had no idea what the song title was and who sang it. it was one of those songs that is stored somewhere in my head but with no title. very irritating indeed. I found the answer that I was looking for at the comments area. yeah I know, like of all places right?

my interest in them grew after watching Honey & Clover. initially, I felt that it was some budget production anime cos I didn't like the drawing. after Zhen Ru rammed it down my throat by shoving the DVD to me, it became one of my favourite anime. unexpected indeed.

songlist

anyway the entire book was in Japanese, including the song titles! we could only guess some of the words with our limited knowledge of the language. for example, 青い車 would be translated to aoi kuruma which means blue car in english. in Japanese, 青 = aoi. Japanese people refer to the blue sky as "aoi sora". their interpretation of blue is different as compared to us I guess. 車 looks like the "chimer" version the word 车 in chinese. an intelligent guess would give you the answer.

that was like the only title that we could guess. Kenneth was telling me: " if this book doesn't have the songs you like, you are landing straight into dipshit! ". that would be true if he was right. after all, this damned book cost me $55.40! I took the risk & bought it anyway.

the first thing I did was head over to their official website to view their entire discography. they have like 11 albums to date! that would mean that I have to search through every single album to see if the song titles on the book match. I sorted the songs out by album and track.

just like this

after that, I had to search through all my Spitz albums to get the translated titles of the songs.

the translated titles

took me hours to accomplish that task! to my surprise, this book has all the songs that I like. coincidence? I think not ! all that trouble was worth it. one satisfied customer :) .

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my quest for cameras is not going smoothly. currently seeking professional help from a friend who happens to be at Hong Kong at the moment. since Hong Kong is the home of plastic cameras, I would say he could stand quite a good chance finding it.

then again, he isn't exactly loaded....

argh!!! this plastic camera quest is pissing me off!!!!

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my blog is lacking of pictures. its not that I don't like taking them, I just prefer using a camera of my own for convenience sake. thing is, I don't have one. too bad, just gotta wait until I have a stable amount of money in my bank before deciding to buy one.

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happy birthday pings!

Bye Bye Mr. Mug

2008-12-25T15:11:00.006+08:00

being lazy sure has it's advantages. sure you grow fat & all but there are some things that you can never perform when you are conscious about it. I say, being lazy is like the best way to train your subconscious mind.

Von claims that I suck at multi-tasking. however, I dare say after spending countless unproductive hours watching anime on my computer, I can subconsciously perform many other tasks while having my eyes fixated on the screen.

for example I can use the toes on my left foot to adjust the fan speed while my right foot rolls one of the 5kg free weights lying around on the floor ( for added blood circulation? ) . not only that, I can also consume a meal while doing all of that at the same time. if you add them up, that is like doing 4 things at the same time.

who ever said that guys suck at multi-tasking should consider giving it a second thought!

could you imagine the day where I have mastered the art of subconscious movement? with more practice, I believe that it would enable me to achieve my ultimate dream of preparing breakfast for myself while sleepwalking. I could save time & have more sleep. its like killing 2 birds with one stone don't you suppose?

now the only problem lies with brushing up my current culinary skills....

then again since I suck at cooking, heading out to the nearest coffee shop to buy a packet of noodles while sleepwalking would sound like a more feasible option. unfortunately, that would require way more practice as compared to preparing breakfast.

why? cos I have to worry about things like avoiding fast moving vehicles & open drains.

geez, good things never come easily.

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ok lets sum things up about life since I've last updated.

I'm currently busy with:

1) respraying my guitars
2) driving lessons
3) planning out Xmas parties
4) going out with the Ellas
5) helping out at the guitar store

Respraying my guitars

my new hobby ( or so it seems ). its time consuming, tiring and bad for health. the only fun part about it is the end. I hate doing things that rob me of my 8 hours of sleep per day but for the sake of money I'd do anything!

time consuming cos paint takes almost forever to dry. touching it before it dries up completely would lead to disaster.

tiring cos my my right index finger is constantly pressing the nozzle of the spray can. I swear it is comparable to lifting a 5kg weight at the gym for an hour straight. however, don't you think that it would look totally stupid if you did that in the gym? its as if you are pumping your right arm to make it grow 2x bigger than your left. for what reason, I guess we would'nt want to know :/ .

bad for health for obvious reasons. I don't wanna die from lung cancer :( .

the only thing that I like about heading all the way to Toa Payoh is not the refinishing guitars nor is it playing with Wayne's Shih Tzu ( Chewy ). its all about eating kebab at Reis Baba Turkish Kebab !

people! if you are looking for the best kebab in Singapore, look no further than Toa Payoh. this dude is the real deal when it comes to Turkish food. why? cos other stores that sell kebab in Singapore get their ingredients locally/China/Malaysia/Indonesia. this guy gets in straight from Turkey! why travel all the way to Turkey when its RIGHT HERE in Singapore?!

another thing that Wayne and I always buy from him is this soda flavoured mineral water drink. tastes like that Japanese "ramune" drink. you know, the one with the marble?

anyway, go try if you ever head to Toa Payoh. its only like $5+ per kebab. cheap cheap very nice I like~.

man, did I stray out of point? oh nevermind. NEXT!

Driving lessons

I'm only halfway through even though I've been taking lessons since September. for the things that I'm not really interested in, I tend to take my time. its most likely due to the lack of motivation.

I personally think that traveling all the way to ubi to take driving lessons is super inconvenient. the only bus that I can take from Paya Lebar is 51. the shitty thing about it is, 51 takes roughly 25 minutes to reach the driving centre. however, if you were to take a cab and cut through upper Paya Lebar, you could get in there in 5 minutes under $5.

even though that is obviously a very huge advantage for me, I shall not succumb to human laziness & join the "aiyah! take cab lah!" club. I've never liked to pay for transport. that is why I'm not looking forward to getting my driving licsense even though it is a necessity. I can imagine the number of people asking me to drive here there everywhere.

I'm not rich, just comfortable. apparently some people still insist that I'm filthy rich.

Planning Xmas parties

I hate ORGNAISING stuff! I fucking hate it! I do all the work while all the others have to do is nod their head in agreement. whenever theres a change in plans, I'll be the one racking my brains to try and accommodate to their needs. the bottomline is, being the organiser sucks if you do not have a nicely laid out plan up in your head.

thankfully my dearest friend Ms Ang is willing to give suggestions and listen to my bitching over the phone. I can't make decisions on my own. I always need a 2nd opinion before I can make a confirmed decision. it only goes to show how much trust I have in myself. being overconfident could lead to one's downfall.

side track.

friends notice that I have this very bad habit. I like to scold people behind their backs. although there is no ill intent in my words, its just not nice to let people hear.

example:

Jerry: wah lao that Eng Hua, damn bloody chee byee one lor

Ping Ting: aye you always like to scold people when they not around hor.

Jerry: really?

Ping Ting: don't tell me you also say things like " that bloody Ping Ting " in front of Eng Hua.

Jerry: never! why would I do that to you.

unfortunate as it seems, it happened.

Jerry: wah lao that bloody Ping Ting ah, always late one lor!

Eng Hua: that bloody Ping Ting somemore! you still say love her deep deep won't scold your best friend one.

Jerry: I did? no lah, I don't mean it one ok? people don't filter their mouths when they are thinking angry thoughts.

Eng Hua: you see whether you dare to say the same thing when she is around.

at this point, I really chui ta lan ( mouth touch cock ) already.

geez, I hope Ping Ting isnt reading this :) .

anyway, organising stuff sucks. thats all I wanted to say.

Going out with the Ellas

this is the number one time consuming thing in my life at this very moment. Zhen Ru is a very random person. surprises are nice but having one every other day could cause a heart attack!

by right, Zhen Ru and I are not supposed to click. why?

1st: I hate last minute plans
2nd: I hate doing things that robs me of my 8hrs of sleep
3rd: I hate spending money
4th: I hate unreasonable people

for some strange reason, I've learnt to be a little more tolerant around her although it doesn't appear that she is aware of our efforts. she claims to be the best girlfriend out there. unfortunately, she cannot be the best friend around. it would be pretty greedy to snag both titles anyway. no one is perfect!

well, we still love her shitloads despite her nonsensical ways. she is lucky to be younger than us by a year. my theory, younger = xmm = more considerate. if not I would have just kicked her down the Kallang River just to express how I feel about her ( only to realise that it was totally uncalled for and jump down in hopes of rescuing her back to shore ) .

girls in general, very unreasonable. I don't like :( .

that is why my other priorities in life come before them at this very point in time.

anyway, its fun to go out once in a while to let loose. life can really be quite stressful at times.

the only reason why Eng Hua was not mentioned at all is due to the fact that he meets up with me every other day to talk about guitar related issues. nothing interesting there since its nothing but a discussion about different wood and types of metal.

think of it as if we are 2 old man sitting at a park with a pet bird in our hands.

Jerry: eh ah hua ah, le eh jiao hor boh? ( Eng Hua, hows your bird )

Eng Hua: buey pai ah, yi eh hiao chio "ji ba ban" ( not bad, it can sing " one million dollars " )

Jerry: wu nia boh? ( really or not? )

Eng Hua: ah jiao, chio hor yi tia ( ah jiao, sing for him )

ah jiao: de de de de de dedede de~

something like that. super boring kind of conversations that only few can appreciate.

Helping out at the guitar store

no choice, I owe the Boss money and I'm returning it in favours. unfortunate but true. I work hard for the things I want.

helping out does have its benefits. there is always that ocassional beef tongue treat at Waraku :) . Beef tongue rocks! given a thumbs up by my sister the food connoisseur. if one stick costs $15, it better be good!

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after being single for so long, I've realised that it is so much easier to think for yourself than for others. whats the point of sacrificing the good stuff for others when all they do is just sit there and wait for you to provide for them?

I've figured that I won't really be able to click with people who only want to take life easy and wait for someone to save them in times of need. I don't like being the saviour, it only makes them more dependent on me. I'm only stabbing myself.

some people can have the cheek to owe me money for so long despite giving them more than ample time. I will think twice before lending money. apparently some people are not appreciative despite the fact that you've helped them get over a rough patch. this is one lesson that I've learnt the hardway.

2009, please help bring back the faith that I've lost in people.

stop blogging?

2008-12-08T22:40:00.003+08:00

now there.. don't panic don't panic.

Jerry's been talking about 'I don't want to blog anymore' to me. And today he sort of.. hmm... declare? that he's really going to stop blogging for real?

AKU TAK BLOG!! (means i don't blog in malay.)

as so he claims.. Jerry, you really want to stop blogging? you bear to abandon us the readers? well, the readers includes people like PINGTING, ZHEN RU and YVONNE just to name a few..

i'm serious when i say i'm serious about posting on your blog.

i warn you, you better make a comeback!

P.S.: to people that are wondering who the hell am i? Eng Hua here! and jerry, dunchoo dare delete this post away!

I just did :)

regards
Jerry

Hello Another Way

2008-10-27T13:33:00.008+08:00

geez, backdating on a long overdue post.

300908

COOKOUT DAY!

Not that I was very enthusiastic about it in the first place. Why? Cos I know for a fact that I have absolutely no talent in cooking. For someone who can't even fry an egg to add to his packet of nasi lemak on a Sunday morning, you are looking at a hopeless case.

After going through countless failed attempts at cooking, I've concluded that taking a 10 minute walk to the nearest hawker centre to get a meal is way more sensible than spending so much time and effort to prepare one yourself. Although you are paying more money to do so, it saves you time, effort & money in the long run. When was the last time you threw away something you've cooked just because it was deemed inedible just by the looks of it?

Don't you people agree that knowing how to cook great tasting food for yourself or your loved ones seems like a great accomplishment? for girls, the way to a man's heart is through their stomach. for guys, the way to a lazy girl's heart is probably through her stomach as well. what do you think? times have changed. not all girls can cook anymore you know?

I guess this is why more guys learn how to cook these days. the world is getting filled with more and more lazy girls!

for other people, once they've tasted good, they would want to try and make it themselves. give a man a fish and it would feed him for a day. teach him how to fish and it would feed him for life. same logic don't you agree?

somehow or rather, I can compare my cooking experience with this scenario.

Lets just say you intend to drive to East Coast Park to ogle at bikini babes ( if there are any to begin with ). You are filled with eagerness and anticipation, thinking of all the wonderful pictures you can take from behind the bushes. You clean your ultra long ranged lens for the third time just in case. You turn the ignition key to start the car. The fuel tank is full, the air con is running and the radio is blasting. Everything seems perfect.

After driving for a while along the express way, you puncture a tire. Your car skids out of control and rams into the car on your right. After your vehicle was sent spinning from the impact of the first collision, a car from behind rams straight into you. Before you can even realise what is happening, you are lying unconscious on an inflated air bag with a streak of blood running down your face ( as what you always see in the movies ).

In conclusion, shit happens.

Before I started cooking, I was thinking of all the awesome things that I could cook by just gathering the necessary ingredients. My first dish was mushroom soup. The ingredients were not cheap but I was only concerned about how awesome it would taste after preparing it. Turned out that I had more mushrooms than soup. Therefore I tried adding more chicken broth which turned out to be a fatal mistake. The entire thing tasted like mushroom soaked in oil ( sick ). I ended up pouring everything away. I think poisoning people is more sinful as compared to wasting food.

you could say it was done for a good cause but that is just my form of a weak excuse. cut me some slack, these hands were not made for cooking!

Zhen Ru & Eng Hua were super hyped up about the idea of coming to my place for a cookout session. everyone likes my house. for some reason, it just seems to have everything that other people don't. at times like these, I wish I had richer friends.

they claim that the food served at high end restaurants is considered relatively easy to to prepare. if you can make it at home for close to nothing, why not? however, doesnt that defeat the purpose of fine dining? I mean, its all about the ambience! the dimly lit lights, the candles, the music and of course the service. imagine proposing to your girlfriend in your own kitchen.

that is like so uber un-romantic.

good food can be found at hawker centres too. the only problem is that you can't really appreciate your food in such a noisy environment. the fact that you are paying 10 times at a restaurant makes the food taste a little more delicious. seriously, I wouldnt sound fun if we said that we were going to be cooking good hawker centre food. it just sounds weak.

anyway, it took hours to cook everything. I was busy preparing my stuff while Eng Hua was stoning away in my room. Zhen Ru was late as usual. before she came, I tried to make everything on my list to kill time. unfortunately, I failed my Mushroom Soup, Tiramisu & French Toast. my Fish Fillets failed during the later part of the evening when I joined them in the cookout.

KNN who says my blog doesnt have peek-tures?!

my initial faliure

the so called french toast

all of us started on our main dish when Zhen Ru arrived ( late as usual ). Eng Hua managed to make some salmon on egg dish.

it tastes good but its not my kind of food

tasted nice but its not something that I would eat often. I really do not like to try things that are not visually appealing to me. Ping Ting says that I'm not adventurous at all when it comes to food. it is quite unfortunate that I can't be her eating buddy considering that we are best friends.

oh well, my loss.

BFF?

headbang!!!

Eng Hua also made some blue cheese thing which smelt so bad it instantly reminded me of the smelly toufu that I ate at the store just one street across my house. the smell made it taste bad I suppose. I might have to bring mints along with me 24/7 just in case someone talks to me with a stench of bluecheese lingering around his/her mouth. it totally felt as if he was literally eating shit.

his beef was rather.... tasteless. didnt like it one bit but at least it tasted like beef ( unlike all my other dishes ). I was hungry so I just ate most of it. Zhen Ru's beef was the one that took the spotlight for our cookout. in fact, it was awesome! apparently she followed every step of her recipe to achieve such results. her cupcakes tasted awful though. I hate the taste of vanilla extract. a little too much could ruin the entire recipe.

her 3rd dish was some prawn thing. it tasted..... fresh. thats all.

anticipation?

yummy..........

looks good tastes bad =/

overall:

Jerry: 4 failed

Eng Hua: 1 unknown ( cos he ate it all ) + 1 failed + 1 passed

Zhen Ru: 1 failed + 1 passed + 1 owned!

in conclusion, its much cheaper, easier and much less time consuming to buy your own food. not forgetting that a little garlic can make your food own.

P.S. yes Phyllis, Zhen Ru is the girl who bought the Cleo magazine.

Forever To Me

2008-10-08T22:44:00.001+08:00

210908

how do you people start tidying up a room? or rather, where do you find the drive to do so? I'm having quite a bit of trouble cos I find that I have way too many stuff lying around. one look at it is all it takes to bring my initial level of enthusiasm from 10 straight down to 0. even though my room is not deemed appropriate for living, it beats staying in camp any day.

it sure ain't easy moving around considering the fact that I am a big walking block of mass. have to squeeze through here tip toe past there. I guess my room can be considered quite a good training ground for me if I were to consider being a professional burglar in future. too bad I don't have such plans as of yet.

maybe it looks cluttered only because I keep too much unnecessary stuff. speaking of which, how would you define things as unnecessary stuff?

lets think about this scenario. don't you always face this situation where you see something that you wouldn't be using any time soon but you just don't want to throw it away for fear that you might have the chance to use it again someday? those are the kind of items that would usually end up being the things that you would classify under unnecessary stuff. I mean seriously, when was the last time you used something like that? probably never in my case.

it is no secret that I am a cheapskate by heart. therefore, I would usually think twice before throwing something away. besides, don't you think its easier to chuck stuff on the table rather than throwing it away?

here is how I work. if I were to pick something off the floor & threw it on the table, it would give me this little sense of achievement. I would easily tell myself that I took the effort ( wow ) to keep my floor clean even though I never considered the fact that I've just messed my table up. if you had the choice, which would you prefer? a messy floor or a messy table? I know that there is always the option of tidying both the floor & the table but I am contented with just having a messy table in my room. easily contented or plain lazy, I can't decide for myself.

however if I were to pick something off the floor and think whether to ditch or keep it, it would require me to consume brain power in order to make a decision. after a hard day's work at the medical centre, I would say these kind of trivial things are really not worth the time and brain power. in conclusion, it is always easier to throw all that unnecessary stuff on the table.

if you people have forgotten, I'm excused brain till September 2009. using even a wee bit of brain power would seem almost like an astounding achievement. 2 thumbs up for me even though I know that self praise is no praise.

lim peh song.

everyone is lazy by nature, you deserve a smack on the face if you are calling me a bum at this very moment. lying to yourself is not going to do any good.

anyway, I managed to rearrange my room ( I'm still wondering what made me lift my lazy arse off the chair to do it ) in such a way whereby it looks more spacious and appears to be more walk-able. rearranging sure is tough work, especially when you are doing most of it yourself!

I started off by emptying the bookshelves. after that it was just mass dumping of stuff onto the bed.

pile of shit 1

pile of shit 2

pile of shit 3

pile of shit 4

pile of shit 5

sorry for the unoriginal captions, I really don't know what to come up with.

after shifting stuff that has not been shifted for the past 5 years, the amount of dust you see is simply massive. ok fine, maybe I just don't help out during major spring cleanings. that is probably the reason why I felt that it seemed like a lot of dust.

I don't really care about dust piling up in my room. I'm only particular about dust on my precious figurines. I take pride in dusting them at least once a week. I only show such devotion only because I treat them like idols of worship. I would probably explain that in further detail in another entry I guess.

my room might seem more spacious than before but I still have a whole lot of sorting out to do. oh well, that would only happen when I feel free to do so. come on, at least some work was done!

anyway, I still have a few more things to update. apparently people have been constantly bugging me to do so but I'm staying in camp until the 10th of October. it sucks I know but that's life.

Just Another Story

2008-09-17T23:32:00.003+08:00

Duty day! which means I can take my own bloody sweet time to blog. well, unless some chao recruit walks into the medical centre with complains of a throbbing headache and bad cough. fingers crossed even though it doesn't seem to work anymore ( regarding an incident that Ping Ting is familiar with :) ) .

a shitload of things have happened since my last blog entry ( obviously duh ). the sad fact is, even though I do have the urge to type it all down into a nice little entry during the later part of the day, I always end up staring at a blank screen after opening a Microsoft Word application. Either that or I would read though what I've typed out & decide whether the entry is "post-able" or not. Judging by how often I update around here, you can easily conclude that all those entries are indeed deemed "un-post-able" by me. in simpler words, they are just way too boring!

Why?

As noted in my previous ( or rather, the post before the previous one ), life is dull! at least for me I suppose. I'm working at a place that pays peanuts. As the saying goes, when they pay peanuts, you get monkeys. I'm sure you people know where I'm driving at. how would you feel if you were dealing with monkies everyday at a zoo.

I just feel so sorry for the people with no common sense. I hope they manage to survive out there in the working world. not one day goes by without me scolding or passing sarcastic remarks at them. the people around me have heard me ranting my arse off to them during duties.

for example.....

Jeremy: woah Jerry, I didnt know such hatred flows in your blood. remind me not to enter your house from the front door.

anyway, the only cool thing that happened recently was the very fact that I'm officially a 1 year + soldier.

WOO HOO!!!

unfortunately, I still cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. Seriously if you think about it, do yousee light when the MRT passes the middle segment of the tunnel between Kembangan MRT station to Bedok MRT station? of course not! oh man, I think that is a bad example but you people know what I mean.

there are a whole lot of things for me to buy after I ORD. I've even written them down on a list somewhere. I predict that by the time I get my cracked pink IC back, the items on that list would hit rock bottom prices. of course, there is always the possibility that cooler gadgets would surface but lets just hope I wont be tempted.

they say going through army changes people. I don't quite agree. I still seem to be as cheapskate as I was before.

I'm the kind of person who would think of a thousand and one ways to save as much money as possible. Yes, down to the very last cent. I realised that I'm actually very good at saving money. self praise is indeed no prase but the money that I have in the bank at the end of the month speaks for itself.

if that's the case, why do I always seem so poor? apart from buying lots of guitars, I do lend quite a bit of money to my friends. what can I say? 2 thumbs up for your friendly neighbourhood ass-saver!

I like the idea of lending money to people. it leaves me super broke, which can be a good thing if you look at it from another perspective. being poor prevents me from buying expensive stuff that would be of no use to me after thinking thrice. problem is, I never think thrice when I buy stuff. in fact, I dont think at all! when it comes to buying the things that I want, would just get it. if you people ask why, I would simply reply you with 3 hokkien words.

Lim Peh Song ( I happy )

I like playing the role of the saint. in fact, I like helping people. if it were a friend and provided that I can help him/her within my own means, I would most likely offer them a helping hand.

I was a generous person a long long time ago. after meeting a few fucked up people in life, I've concluded that it is not worth going through the trouble of things when you do not even get a shred of appreciation at the very end. that is why I treat different people differently. most people would simply brush it off as being biased but I dont care. why?

Lim Peh Song

come to think about it......

if Ping Ting were to ask something from me, no questions asked.

if Yvonne were to ask something from me, I would check my finances before deciding.

if Zhen Ru were to ask something from me, I would make some unnecessary comments just to piss her off before offering my help.

in the end, I still love the 3 people mentioned above but they always claim that I'm biased. life was never fair to begin with :) .

of course, there would be the case where some people just mysteriously disappear into thin air after a few months. I was naive but not anymore. this time, I've set datelines. if they don't meet it, I will release the inner ah beng in me :). I do have many evil plans up in my head, it should be fun.

maybe people are just taking advantage of the low interest rate.

wait wait wait! I do not charge interest! Geez, maybe I sould. either that or I don't lend money to people anymore. if that's the case, I might end up spending more than I should at the end of the day.

shit! dilemma! to lend or not to lend, which is the better option to pick?

money has always been the root to most of life's problems. that is why I've made it clear to myself that money is essential to solve them. letting your heart win does not put food on the table. I just feel that living a comfortable life is the route that I want to take. the key ingredient? lots of moolah! I might have to slog my arse off and have no life but I aint the adventurous sort so I guess I've pretty much nothing to lose :) .

I love money. that is why I'd do close to anything for it. no weird stuff like giving another guy a blowjob. that is just plain wrong.

2008-09-16T23:02:00.001+08:00

entry in progress. shall write it down on a piece of paper while spending the night in camp tmr.

2008-09-09T20:52:00.003+08:00

life is so DULL!!!

Don't Stop Believin'

2008-07-27T10:49:00.006+08:00

its been a while, as usual.

as a working individual with many things to do, it is really hard to draw out time for many things. one of those things is of course blogging. not that I grew sick of blogging, its just that my life is so dull and boring there is almost close to nothing to blog about. even if there is, it aint worth blogging down.

in short, nothing new happens.

back at work there is a war between the clinical medics and our captain doctors. every single day brings upon bullshit in different forms. the smoothness of workflow in the medical centre is always hindered by lazy doctors.

seriously I dont understand why some doctors lack a sense of responsibility even after going through O.C.S. . I mean, they should be the ones leading their men & setting a good example right?

even as a normal human being, would you leave your packet of lunch on the table fo 3 days only in hope of waiting for someone to clear at for you? so medics become cleaners huh? excellent.

everyday I recieve new emails telling me to copy and paste clinical entries into the system. now wait a second there, shouldnt that be done by the doctors themselves? it is true that the system is always slow in the morning. however, why are they still conveniently sending us emails even when the system is up and running smoothly again later in the afternoon?

I tried throwing their bullshit back at them but I'm just a mere lance-corporal. how to fight with a 6 chocolate bar captain or a 2 crab major? I've lost even before the battle has begun. my senior medics are just mere sergeants, what can they do to officiers? its all about ranks in the army. no one really cares about your appointment/role. unfortunately, I do not have a choice so its back to my room typing entries like some brainless robot doing the same old thing every single day.

it sucks to see a stack of unkeyed entries next to you at 5pm. it sucks even more when you see your other fellow medics sitting outside talking cock and chilling only to wait for 5:15pm to go off while there I was busy typing my arse off hoping that I can finish before 7pm. if not, the next best option for me would be to stay in for the night. even though I have more time to finish the entries up, I have to do everything before 9pm. why? the 9pm show on channel 8 nice to watch what :).

why are they making their problem my problem? they would be the ones getting screwed if the entries are not keyed in, not me. however, if they were to know that we arnt keying in the entries, we'd get screwed. either way, we'd still get screwed. its only sooner or later. its as if we are some hot chicks chilling at MOS only to get grinded by a swarm of drunk men. its inevitable to get grinded if you are a girl dancing around clubs. that is a fact and I'm sure most of you are aware of. anyway, thats besides the point.

that is why I feel so stressed out at the medical centre. in every dialogue session, I would be one of the few clinical medics to spew my guts out with all my dissatisfaction with regards to how the medical centre functions and how most of our MO's work.

with that being said, I sure hope that there would be changes for the better in the near future. hopefully before I ORD, which is like 1 year + 2 months away.

dreadful -.- '"

another thing is the patients.

not only do we slog our guts out to get things done faster for them, we also have to attend those impatient ones who demand for their drugs to be prepared faster just because they feel sick.

the very sad fact of people is that they tend to be very demanding when they are ill. they will expect the people around them to accommodate them no matter what. I know falling sick feels uncomfortable but please think about the others around you. after all, they are the ones who are taking care of you right?

gah! one of these days you'd just see me at the counselling centre.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

friends, I miss them all.

it has only been 23 days since I've last met some of them but I still miss them shitloads. for example, its hard to get Von out these days. it used to be so easy back in poly. however in all cases, I always happen to be the one waiting for her. well, I cant say that fact has changed over the years.

went out with her just the other day but it just felt so restrictive. this place cannot go that food cannot eat that movie cannot watch. how do I put this? well, maybe its just that we havent really been contacting each other as often as before. would you refer this as being more and more distant?

of course I understand that her boyfriend is out of army and I know exactly where I stand. still, just doesnt feel the same as before. maybe this is the grown up phase in life where filling up your stomach is more important than slacking around doing nothing at all.

I always do that after hanging out at the guitar store. Wayne ( colleague ) and I would usually wander around cityhall area either in search of food or a gig nearby to catch. just to let you guys know, I go down to the guitar store to help only to lessen their workload so that they can start working on my guitar. I do not know everything about fixing up a guitar, thats why sometimes I have no choice but to send it down for repair. its either that or I feel that it is too troublesome to do.

anyway, its fun hanging around those guys. probably because I love talking about guitars. talking about guitars to girls is exactly the same as telling them how great Liverpool is at soccer.

anyway, it would be nice to go out with friends once in a while. if only I had the drive to organise my life and sort things out slowly so that I dont have to worry so much about the little things in life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

with regards to my birthday. I would say, totally swell! I enjoyed it :) .

I met up with Johan and Kenneth straight after work to get the food. basically we took a cab down to Old Airport Road's coffeeshop in search of the best food. the only reason why I did that was because not many of us liked the idea of having a BBQ and most of them would be late.

after 2 hours of ordering and waiting, it was time to head back and set up the necessary stuff.

by 8pm only Ivan came, the others were really late ( as expected due to other commitments ). too bad, we could wait no longer. we wolved down 2 packets of Char Kuey Tiao, countless sticks of satay and of course, an endless supply of chicken wings. after 10pm we shifted up to my house as it was getting rather late. besides, the security guard was like trying to chase us away. bah.

it wasnt long till the rest of them came. whoopie.

basically the only form of entertainment provided by me was cutting the nails of my guinea pig. first of all, I never did it before only because that lil bitch would struggle so much that I would just throw in the towel. to stop Von from her perpetual whining and bitching, I had to do it.

why???

lifting a paw up is tedious work

I'm brilliant!

die bitch die!

drink drank drunk. talk talked talked.

cut cake!

crazy shit happens

too boring la, give us a pose!

as you please

after all that, most of them were just waiting for 5am to catch the next bus/train. you could imagine how boring the process was. sorry la, even though I have a DVD player, I have no DVDs!

she just slept through most of the time. poor thing. ( finally a natural shot?! )

the things people do when they are bored.

L to R -> Kenneth, Ivan, Eng Hua, Watashi, Chin Leng, Johan, Zi Xuan, Yvonne, Ping Ting

thanks to everyone who came. I really appreciate it. it was the best birthday thus far. I promise not to order 100 chicken wings the next time round :x

its a pity that Yong Sheng, Zhen Ru and Charlene couldnt come.

I want to strangle that heartless part time girlfriend!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would be working at the start of next month. apparently my previous boss Suresh wants me to work again. not that I really need the money but extra income would help. I hope I dont tire myself too much. I know that I'm one money hungry bastard. thats why you might not be able to see me that often next time. you might have to sms me to make appoinments from now on :D !

things should start to get fun real soon.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

with regards to my favourite band The Brilliant Green, they are finally releasing a greatest hits album! I found this link while browsing through google. basically it covers most of their best singles that they've released since 1997 - 2008. this kinda thing, better ask Kenneth to order for me. if not, probably can get the songs by underhand means.

CANNOT!!! favourite band cannot anyhow download. must buy!

2008-06-19T21:58:00.003+08:00

guys and girls see things differently.

a classic example would be what happened on the night on 170608.

the ellas were out for tao huey at the usual place just opposite grandlink square. just next to our table were 3 Thai prostitutes chatting away with a middle aged man. not that we really bothered anyway.

it was only until everyone jumped up from the table that we realised something was wrong. the 3 of us just scurried over to the pavement of the main road to get a closer view of whats going on. I mean why not? it was like a mini riot taking place. no one wants to get involved.

the poor guy was being sandwiched between 2 prostitudes who seem as if they want to beat the living daylights out of each other. it must have really been the shittiest day of his life. Imagine paying for 3 prostitutes and getting beaten up by them even before the action starts. a total turn off I would say.

Eng Hua and I realised that the 2 prostitutes were wrestling while the guy was being whacked like one of those referees in a WWE match who somehow or rather got into the fight unknowingly. Zhen Ru thought that a cockroach flew on their table.

that was like so out of the point. Eng Hua and I almost died laughing.

not everyone is scared of cockroaches like you Ms Lim.

thats why I come to the conclusion that guys and girls see things differently.

Alone

2008-05-18T17:59:00.006+08:00

08 June 2008

I realise that I keep repeating the same old things everyday.

" life sucks. "

" I feel like stabbing someone. "

" why are we doing things for the sake of doing things? "

" you think I care? "

" irritating. "

" this is stupid. "

I seriously think my brain is turning stupid. for some odd reason I just cant seem to make solid decisions that work. its probably due to this really bad habit of mine to count my chickens before they hatch. I always seem to have some rock solid plan up in my head that would totally work out nicely but shit always seem to happen and I end up failing miserably somehow.

you know those evil villians you watched in cartoons back when you were young? they'd always come up with some flawless genius plan to screw our favourite superheroes but they always end up getting themselves screwed instead? if thats the case, I can safely say that I totally understand how they feel.

I'm sure they have feelings too you know?!

maybe the rumours are true. people say once you enter army, you are automatically "excused brain" until the day you ORD. that is still a long long way to go for me.

anyway, I just realise that working in a medical centre isnt as easy as I thought. now I understand why Ping Ting had to bitch to me all the time about nurses back in the past. I feel a partial bit of their pain now.

why do I mention partial? well, we dont have people being warded ( cos our medical centre isnt open 24 hrs :) ). on top of that, we do not have bitchy senile old people barking up our arses ever so often. that, I would explain in the later part of this entry.

I was out with the ellas yesterday, unexpectedly. the only reason why I go down to the guitar store to help out with repairs is so that my boss can finish up with my guitar repairs. they've been there for months but still left untouched due to the long string of repairs that have been set aside since god knows when. besides, I get to learn new things all the time.

anyway, friends are more important that a few pieces of wood. thats why I left to join them.

first things first, KANASAI LAH!

we spent a lot of unnecessary money yesterday. who to blame? well if I were to point someone out, it would be LUCIEN LAU ENG HUA!

KANASAI LAH!

even though Zhen Ru dragged us out to eat all sorts of junk food, the most expensive stuff that we ate was the desert from Ricciotti ( that place next to the Jumbo opposite Clarke Quay MRT station ). they were supposedly 50% off after 9pm.

HOWEVER

that promotion was changed about a month ago. now, their deserts are 50% off ONLY if they are take aways.

KAN NIN NA!!! they didnt take the initiative to tell us about it. would you pay $50 for desert? if I were using 2 dollar bills as toilet paper I might consider paying it without batting an eyelid but apparently that is not happening any time in the near future. I'm earning $500 per month for crying out loud! even the cleaners earn more than I do.

I was feeling relatively rich yesterday. now I'm feeling poor. guess you can say that everything can change in a mere 5 minutes.

to think that all 3 of us were happily playing Patapon while slowly appreciating the tantalising desert in front of us. they were rather impressed with my little army of Patapons. every single unit I had was like powered up to the max. thats why I can safely conclude that Medics need a psp to kill time. they really got too much time on their hands when nothing happens on their duty days.

not that I dont have a life, I'm forced not to have one!

after that we were headed to Cineleisure. the only buses that we could take from Clarke Quay MRT station to Somerset MRT station were 124 and 190. Apparently for some weird reason, Eng Hua said that we could take 52, confirm.

unfortunately, that was not so. to make things worse Zhen Ru and I have already tapped our cards to board the bus -.-'" .

190 came along. however to avoid making a 2nd mistake, Eng Hua told me to double check with the bus driver. I did and the driver said yes. I signalled to Eng Hua giving him the "OK GO" sign. however, I have no idea why but he was like stun there for 5 seconds. I had to tell him verbally before he clearly understood what I was trying to tell him. before he could fully comprehand what was going on, the driver closed the door. he waved his hand frantically to signal to the driver but he was totally ignored.

yeap, the bus went off without them -.-'" .

I couldnt help but laugh my arse off cos the "what the fuck?!" expression on his face was totally priceless.

we were supposed to disperse after sending Zhen Ru to Cineleisure since she wanted to buy tickets to watch a movie with her boyfriend. unfortunately, she got a call from work and had to rush down to some primary school to deal with a water contamination problem.

the first thought that came to my mind was, what could she do?

think about it, why was there a need for her to cancel all her appointments on a Saturday night just to rush down to rectify the problem? could she wield a magical wand and make the water clean again just like that? ridiculous.

while waiting for her, Eng Hua and I were eating Tao Huey from a store that was selling the same Tao Huey as the one next to Macdonalds opposite Kallang MRT station. it was very unfortunate for that stretch of buildings to be torn down. we ex-manjusrians used to frequent there very often after school. the taste was nostalgic, totally.

cos the wait for Zhen Ru to appear was so uber long, I had no choice but to make my way into the school to use the toilet. high tide can? however after walking around the compound, I realised the only toilets that were readily available were the female staff toilets.

that is totally not an option. what if some old principal came out of a cubical? first, she'd call me a pervert. second she'd charge me for entering school grounds without permission. either way, I'm screwed. no choice but to hold it in. left the stupid school with Zhen Ru to meet up with Eng Hua so that we could all share a cab.

we went our separate ways after that. I was supposed to head down earlier to see my cousin who was warded at Mt Alvernia Hospital for some viral infection which was rather serious. I had to visit him ASAP. I mean, what if ( touch wood ) something bad were to happen to him? I would regret it for the rest of my life I swear.

just to side track a little. before we left Ricciotti, Zhen Ru bought a little cake for herself. however, since the whole water contamination thing ruined her mood, she gave that very cake to me. I thought: " wow! now I've something to give to my cousin " . it would be better than to go there empty handed no?

HOWEVER after we boarded the cab, Eng Hua totally forgot to take the cake that I've left on the table. I specifically told him to look after it for me while I was heading for the loo at the school. geez I was so pissed that I could've just strangled him to death in the cab -.-'" .

they say blood is thicker than water, thats why I had to go down no matter how late it was. however, I am totally contradicting myself cos I went havoc-ing with the ellas before heading down. you could say that I got a wee bit carried away. my bad!

he couldnt talk much cos he was too weak to do so. the nurse was also quite a bitch by telling us to keep our volume down cos the other patients needed rest. my big fat arse la! I'll explain why later.

being the bitch that she was, there was no way the nurse was going to let me sleep on a chair. my cousin suggested that I slept on the floor beside the bed. well, at least there was a place for me to stay for the night....

I swear, even sleeping out in the field is way better than sleeping on the cold hard floor of the hospital. I woke up the next morning with muscle aches all over my body.

it was hard to get some sleep. why? cos the bloody patient on the right side was talking to his wife the entire night. chee byee, already 1am + already still talk as if they are sitting at some coffee shop drinking tiger beer. my cousin was probably knocked out by the Panadeine pills ( its a drowsy kind of Panadol ) so he had no problem sleeping.

not only that, nurses would come in once in a while to give the patients their medication. their stupid trolley kept banging against my feet. it was bloody irritating. geez I had to bear with all that nonsense for so long before I managed to sleep. my advice to people who want to stay over night at a hospital to see someone is dont even think about it.

the morning was pretty alright. helped the poor boy with his breakfast. apparently they have this very cool table that lets you push the food in front of the patients so they can have breakfast in bed. wah lao! breakfast in bed you know? never happened to me before. I always had to drag myself out to find my breakfast on the table. come to think about it, I've never eaten stuff on my bed before. hmm, that only goes to show that I aint lazy. HA!

while I was doing that, this crazy guy on the left was like complaining to the nurse that he wanted to read the newspaper, tell his wife to come home early, change his diaper and all. basically he was being very random and wanted attention from the nurses.

bloody hell, I hate it when sick people demand for service. they make it seem as if they deserve as much attention as possible since they are sick. the same bloody mentality applies everywhere. I know when you are sick you tend to get weaker and rely on people more for some support. however, it usually gets overboard unknowingly. sick people tend to get very selfish. thats why I feel bad for all the nurses out there.

however, that does not give them the excuse to be bitches! RAWR!!!!

anyhow, I'm just glad that my cousin is discharged and feeling better now.

life at the medical centre goes on. I might just kill myself one of these days from all that stress that I get every single day.

might.

Paint Me In Your Sunshine

2008-05-17T06:30:00.005+08:00

Marié Digby, have you guys heard of this lady? apparently she got famous after posting her own compositions on youtube ( as well as some covers ). she kinda got noticed only when she did a cover for the song "umbrella". well, thats the song most people know her for anyway. apparently she has her own album and she came to Singapore just recently to do some promotion.

I'm going to buy her album only because the people around me dont want to let me burn it ( selfish :/ ! ) . tough luck on my side cos I happen to like the way her songs flow. there is one other alternative but you cant expect me to sit in front of a computer just watching her on youtube all day right? that would be like..... a little obsessive?

gah anyway, with regards to life. well......... if you all didnt know by now, I'm a Medic in the Navy. currently posted in CNMC. simply said my job scope is just to give out drugs to people. cant blame you guys for not knowing since I never really updated this blog for a few months :P .

it is a rather demanding role in a sense that I have to rememeber all the drugs in the medical centre and their uses. there are times where NS men doctors would ask if I have a certain drug in the dispensary. if I dont, I have to tell him what drug could be used to substitude it. not only that, I also have to take note of other issues like...

- if I were to give out a wrong drug, I could get charged.

- if I were to give it to a wrong patient, I could get charged.

- if I were to write the wrong dosage and cause the patient to die, I could get charged.

- if my drugs go missing, I could get charged.

- if there is a surplus in the amount of drugs, I could get charged.

that makes life really stressful dont you think?! who in the right frame of mind wouldnt want to ORD peacefully and complete their NS life in 2 years ( regulars are a different story though :D ) ? fingers crossed that my ORD date wouldnt go any further than the 13th of September 2009.

sigh, come to think about it, that is still like darn bloody long!

if you are a medic being posted to a Medical Centre, chances are you are enjoying a wonderful 8 to 5 lifestyle. I cant say the same for some of my friends who end up as platoon medics. you know, climbing mountains in Taiwan, digging shellscrapes, carrying extra stuff like stretchers on insanely long route marches.

man, I really am lucky.

well thats all I can really say about my army life. I can only see myself growing fat in months to come. I can really kiss my IPPT gold goodbye at this rate.

my friends are....

totally being niglected by me.

why?

cos I still feel that life is a total mess. never a day goes by when I dont think about it. it starts with my room being messy, totally. I've attempted to pack it up countless of times but it just seems as nothing changes.

maybe I spend too much time at the guitar store. what could I do? I mean, I really like guitars! I like to fix them up so that people can enjoy playing it with ease. I like to grab something new and plug it into an amplifier just to hear something different.

I've got to balance things out but I really suck at doing so.

man, I just dont know how to manage life anymore. what are my priorities? I just have this feeling that I'm being very fickle with regards to the things I do. I'm not making solid decisions. all the decisions that I ever make are those "snap snap" kinda decisions that can make me escape from a problem at that point of time. what is the use when it keeps coming back to me?

people say the easiest way to get rid of a problem is to solve it. if that is the case, why am I having so much trouble doing so?

argh! let me get another entry done. sickening!

2008-05-11T22:39:00.005+08:00

I met up with Von for dinner just now.

I've been meeting her like *snap snap out of the blue* just like that for the past few months ever since the day I got into army.

I didnt really notice but its super weird, at least to me.

I NEVER sms her asking her to meet up for dinner or anything cos I know for a fact that I'd end up broke no matter what happens.

however whenever she asks me out, I happen to have time and enough cash.

this girl knows me too well, far too well. its scares me sometimes.

heard that Von? you are a scary person!

then again, its great to have such a friend like her. thats why shes my friend.

I love her as a friend, so very much. somehow, people always doubt my words.

well, at least she knows my intentions.

I feel misunderstood :/ .

ANYWAY! I'll come out with a proper entry on tuesday. quite some stuff to settle. my life is totally great if I were to sum things up. I'll explain it all..........

BE PATIENT WITH ME LA!!!!! I'm sorry for not updating ok?!

2008-04-27T21:31:00.002+08:00

life is a mess.

starting with my very own room. its in a total mess, I dont even know where to start.

what could you expect from someone who finally got a wireless adapter for his new PC only today? well...... at least there is some progress no? oh well......... sometimes I really hate myself for procrastinating so much.

ok tell you guys what. after I'm totally done with transfering all my data from my laptop to this PC, I'll organise every single thing in neat folders. I dont know why, I'm super particular about putting stuff nicely in a computer. its strange why I dont do it for my own cupboards.

give me a week or 2. I promise I'd update :) .

2008-03-07T22:01:00.001+08:00

let me rethink about my life plan.

seriously if I dont start now, I wont start at all.

what do I really want for myself?

my ambition would lead to my downfall.

Apologise

2008-02-09T01:43:00.004+08:00

rawr! emo entry! well, maybe not. its not worth the effort.

gah! I dont know, I usually say all that but I might just rant it all out. we shall see as we go along.

why I had to let little Christelle go:

1) Communication breakdown

I view myself as the kind of person who would love to comment on something only if the topic at hand interests me. if it doesnt, I'll most probably try to steer the topic to something that I like to talk about. if it fails, I'll just remain silent, sometimes to the point where people think that I'm having a male version of PMS or something along that line. truth is, I'm either dead tired or I've gotten so bored that I cant hardly wait for the conversation to end & find an excuse to leave.

the one thing that never ceases to amuse me would be the process of digging out more information about a person, especially close ones. I like the feeling of getting mixed opinions of someone. you know, the typical " I never expected you to be like that " kinda thing. to me it helps keeps my mind moving thus pulling me a step further away from being senile in future.

if it were some regular friend or acquaintance, it doesnt matter if you want to tell me more about yourself or not. after all, its not as if I'm going to see your face that often, so whats the point right? yeah, excuse me for sounding like some hypocrite but I prefer to keep my friends close. its quality vs quantity and you know very well which side I stand on. I'm a guy, guys have lesser friends as compared to girls. if a guy has many friends, they are probably mostly made up of girls. facts of typical Singaporean youngsters anyway.

my own girlfriend, supposedly the closest person to me, doesnt like to discuss about our relationship. in simple terms, she is not opening up to me.

to me, that is bullshit.

that is enough for me to pull out from a relationship. we were only together for barely 4 months & she tells me that there is no further need to talk about our relationship. she claims its "stable", so just keep it that way. she made it sound as if we were married for 20 years or something. in actual fact, she feels like a complete stranger to me. I could only know her through observation. lucky me I got the basics down pretty quickly, otherwise god only knows how much longer I'd stick with her. since there is no room for discussion, nothing will change.

there were no problems cos I kept my mouth shut. I thought things would change in time but apparently they didnt. I always thought Yvonne was the most stubborn little girl around, guess there are people who are far worse off as compared to her. there is a limit of tolerance for every person, therefore the need for me to voice out my problems would definitely come sooner or later.

whenever I was going to enter the topic, she would say: "why cant you let nature take it's course (顺起自然)?"

hahahaha! if nature took it's course, I'd be on the rooftop taking my first step off the ledge. which girl doesnt like to be spoilt? I was soft on her, probably too soft. When its time to be serious, she thinks that I’m being unreasonable. Its true to a certain extent. Its like falling from cloud 9 and straight to hell.

I thought a relationship was a give & take thing? what ever happened to that? maybe the things I did for her were just insignificant, so insignificant that it doesnt even qualify to be a "give" factor. if that is the supposed case, why should I even deserve the "take" portion right?

I'm just assuming. after all she never really gave me a reason anyway. Why bother pondering upon it? on to the next.

2) I was always on the giving side

I've never felt so short-changed in my life. I'm a very calculative person (although not as calculative as my sister =) ) by nature. I dont like the idea of paying more than I have to when it comes to money.

however when it comes to loved ones, there is a difference. I dont mind shelling out money for them. as long everyone is happy in the meantime, why not? the only reason why I work so hard for money is due to the simple fact that it brings a smile on my face. if it can make me happy, it can make others happy as well! it only depends on how you use the money right? I mean, it would definitely piss you off if you lent them money only to see it come back after 2 years or something.

whenever she was bored & needed someone to chat with, I was always available. why? she was my first priority, other things can wait. All my interests were shifted aside just to make time for her. Meaning 99% Christelle and 1% friends, guitar, photography, blogging, cooking & anime watching. Looking back, its as if she was some sort of hindrance that is stopping me from doing the things I like.

when we eat out I'm the one paying cos I know shes not that well to do as compared to me. even my NS allowance is more than what she earns per month. yes its true that models earn a lot but that is only dependant on the number of hours she works for. when she has a craving for a certain dish, I'd go out & get it for her while all she has to do is sit & wait.

to her, being able to meet me is considered a giving factor in this relationship. I always tell myself that shes making some effort although I still feel that it isnt enough. I might sound demanding but trust me, when you are in the same situation, you’d think otherwise.

significant days like birthdays, Valentines day, Christmas and anniversaries are for spending time together and/or exchanging gifts right? well, maybe I'm just particular.

last Christmas....

we couldnt meet up cos she was too busy with Church apparently. sure fine, I'm relatively ok with that. even so, I felt that getting a gift for my girlfriend on Christmas was a must do kinda thing.

imagine going out all alone roaming Orchard Road just to find the perfect Christmas gift. why alone? cos I dont shop with guys & I didnt want to leave any room for jealousy if I were to go out with some other girl. after hours of searching, I finally found something that I had in mind. how often do you get the feeling that you've found the perfect gift for someone? to me I say close to never.

after that I went straight home just to find the perfect box to put it in. laid the finishing touches by adding a note which I friggin spent hours thinking & writing out. I just hoped that she'd be happy not only because she liked the gift but also by the amount of effort put into making it ( especially the damn note! ).

she didnt want to meet me cos shes exhausted & wants to take a nap. annoyed but I followed my gut feeling and went to her place to pass it to her. she was sleeping & I didnt want to wake her up so I left the gift on the table along with a pink rose stalk that I bought along the way. at that point of time, I was just happy to have her near me since I was heading back to camp the next day.

I got back home, logged into msn only to see her online. first thing I did was look at my handphone, no calls no smses. ohh kay.... so I went ahead to chat with her.

Jerry: you awake?

Christelle: yeah, my Grandpa woke me up after you left.

Jerry: ohh kay.... have you seen my present yet?

Christelle: yeah its on my table.

Jerry: arnt you going to open it?

Christelle: tomorrow. I'm still very tired.

geez, that felt worse than crap. even after putting in so much effort, it meant nothing to her. she only told me she liked it when I asked about it a few days later. guess what, I didnt get anything from her.

it might seem like a very small matter but its just so disappointing. I dont like the feeling of going through so much and coming back empty handed.

3) Everything was about her

every damn thing was dependant on her mood. if shes happy, we can talk. if shes not, shes heading straight home cos shes "tired". its very tiring to keep her happy all the time, one wrong question would require at least 10 minutes of covering up.

I wont deny that she was the domineering one in this relationship. if I could avoid conflict, I would. simple as that.

she also has this habit of telling me about her new hairstyle, new nails etc etc.

Christelle: I love my new hair more than I love you!

Fineeeeee. I heard that for the 34799034th time in a 15 minute conversation.

when was the last time I told her something about myself....

4) She doesnt put in the effort

I always have shitloads of stuff to complain about her. why? for her own good.

in the early days...

Christelle: I dont want to lead this lifestyle anymore. I want to change.

Jerry: if you want to change, I can lend you a hand. however, dont expect me to go easy on you.

everything that I tried to change about her was for her own good. it has nothing to do with my face, ego or the people around me. I was more or less prepared to work a little harder in future by looking at how much effort my significant other was putting in her studies. I've been down that path before. if there is a chance for her to avoid it, why not?

her studies is one thing. another thing would be our relationship. I make the effort to call her every night just to keep track of her life. she wouldnt even take the effort to go outside and use her house phone to call me back. Its just 20 minutes! Not as she is rushing to study for some final year exam paper. I mean, that much I can understand yup. Imagine me calling her daily before I hit the sack. I pay my phone bills too if you havent noticed by now -.-'".

we havent met in 5 weeks & its always the same answer I get when I ask.

Christelle: I cant confirm with you. I might have something on.

where am I placed in her heart? I wonder sometimes. if there was some effort in there, we would be meeting up at least every fortnight or so. its irritating to know that she can wake up for church at 9am on Sunday but she cant even meet me in the late afternoon on a Saturday just to go out. why? cos she wants to sleep.

since she doesnt want to meet up with me, why didnt I take the opportunity to go out with my friends? its not as if I dont have friends to go out with. its just that I dont like the idea of last minute outings. especially on a Saturday where about 90% of people already have plans to go out. furthermore, she'd get jealous if I were to be out with either one of the 3 girls whom you are all so familiar with.

she goes out with guys, I dont get jealous. I go out with girls, she gets jealous. what is this?

anyway, its been almost a month since we've broken up ( 100907 – 280108 to be exact ). to be honest, I already consider her out of my life. normal friends? not a chance. acquaintance? possibly.

It was nice. Filled with ups and downs. At least now know how fucked up things can get in a relationship.

Life goes on. I might be going to the Navy after my medic course. Hopefully get a chance to sail.

Nope I wont be fucking sotongs along the way.

good luck

非你莫属

2008-02-02T17:42:00.000+08:00

nope this would not be an emo entry. the only reason why is due to the fact that I have to head back to camp for guard duty later. to put it in a simple way, I dont have the time to write one.

of course I'm sad cos we couldnt make it till the end. then again, I did it for my own good.

no worries I would definitely come up with one, probably after Chinese New Year though.

today is Lim Zhen Ru's birthday. her 20th to be precise.

whoopie.

I'm so happy cos I just bought this.

you know, they say 20 is quite a significant year.

I know its expensive but I knew I had to buy it.

it just seemed like the perfect gift.

so yeah.

however, who the hell said that PSP is for her?

=)

I've been saving up quite a while just to own one of these. I so wanted the one in red but it cost like $30 more just for that particular colour.

TA MA DE!!!!!!

being a pratical person, I just couldnt succumb to the temptation. $30 just means so much to an NSF.

on a side note, whoever created the PSP is a genius.

after Chinese New Year is the combat phase of my training. I've been waiting for so long cos I havent been doing much exercise for the past 1 month or so. when is my 6 pack ever gonna appear =( ?

anyway, the current issue that I'm facing at the moment is getting presents for both Ping Ting and Zhen Ru. its that time of the year again...... (so fast??! bloody hell =x) somehow I wish money came a whole lot easier for me.

emo entry coming up next =).

2008-01-01T14:35:00.000+08:00

a break.

a break for you to think about the things that I've said, if they even mattered.

if you dont work hard for something, you'd never find success.

I'm sorry, I've really did my best.

the choice is yours.

Brand New Morning

2007-12-20T11:19:00.000+08:00

Christelle Yeo Jia Yeng

yup, thats the name of the girl I love. isnt she a pretty little thing :) ?

most you of guys have probably heard me droning on and on about her when we first started out about 4 months ago. now, I would love to avoid questions with regards to her.

why?

cos most of the time, I wouldnt have answers for them. even if I did, they are just excuses to cover up my disappointment.

Friend: wa lao! how come you are the only one who didnt bring your girlfriend to the bbq? not steady leh you!

Jerry: not that I dont want her to come. she said that shes not feeling well. she needs to rest. her health is more important no?

Friend: the 2 weeks block leave you confirm happy like f*** right? can spend so much time with your girlfriend.

Jerry: out of the 14 days, I only saw her for 2 days. for the 2 days that I've spent with her, half the time she was fast asleep on my bed while I was finishing the stuff that we intended to do together. cant be helped, apparently I have some sort of aura that puts the people around me to sleep.

Friend: today is Christmas, arnt you supposed to be spending time with your girlfriend?

Jerry: not a chance. shes busy at Church. since she likes going to church, I can only respect her decision.

Friend: not spending New Year with your girlfriend?

Jerry: nope. apparently this girl is super high in demand and needs to be booked 1 week in advanced. I was too late.

stuff like that. everyone keeps asking why and I hate it. in an optimistic point of view, at least she isnt out clubbing or drinking.

-------------------

Christelle: cant you be more understanding? sometimes I dont understand you at all.

of course my love, you hardly tried to understand me. in fact, sometimes you'd just get so frustrated with my eccentric ways that you'd just turn your back and leave. maybe if you spent more time talking to me and asking why, I'd probably be a happier individual.

honestly, would you bother to? I really cant tell. I get the feeling that you find the whole process of understanding me totally boring. you got more important things to do no? that always seems to be the case, unfortunately.

you said you love me. yes, I can feel that you do.

- I love it when you give me a call every morning right after you get out of bed just to talk even for a while.

- even if its just an sms asking where am I, I would be happy.

- I appreciate the fact that you help me think of solutions to my problems even though I dont really want you to share that burden of mine.

if everything about this relationship were bad, wouldnt I have gone mad by now?

sometimes, I hope that those feelings could be expressed in a better way. a way where I can truly feel loved by her. to be honest, I just might get tired of waiting for something to happen. some kind of spark that would ignite that drive to give my 100%. there is always a ray of light shining through. somehow, it just gets dimmer with each passing day. I'm reaching a point of cant-be-bothered-ness. maybe I'm tired.

weird, how come I always seem so tired anyway?

I gave my 100% in this relationship. when you needed me, I was always there.

Jerry: I need to go pack my stuff.

Christelle: dont put down the phone. talk to me. I really miss you.

Jerry: ok.

when I needed you, sometimes I wonder if it even mattered.

Christelle: ok I need to do my things already.

Jerry: wait wait I'm not done talking to you yet!

Christelle: I'll call you later bye *click*

you can imagine me holding on to the phone just listening to the tooooot tooooooot toooooooot. frustrating no? what to do? suck thumb.

how I wish that she'd at least sms me why instead of leaving me there guessing what the hell shes up to.

I'm sure that if you have an unanswered question in your head before you head to bed, you'd keep thinking about it until you find an answer. yup, same itchy feeling.

picture this scenario. this is an example of me asking my girlfriend for a date.

Jerry: girlfriend, can we go out on Saturday?

Christelle: dunno. depends on whether I got schedules.

Jerry: no worries, work comes first.

Saturday comes....

Christelle: honey, I dont think I have schedule for today.

Jerry: so we can go out (yesssssssss!!!) ?

Christelle: sorry I dont think so. just now my friends called me out. I dont think that we can meet up.

Jerry: oh (kan nin na beh chao chee byee!!), see you next week then.

my little Christelle, I classify you under the "princess type" girlfriend category.

whatever you want or need, I've got you covered.

when you needed someone to talk to, who stopped doing his stuff just to talk?

when you needed cry, who lent you a shoulder even though he wanted to borrow your shoulder as well?

when you wanted to buy something, who paid for it despite having close to nothing for himself?

how many times have I said "no" to you? how many times have you said "no" to me?

to a princess, I'm nothing but a mere peasant who does the bidding of the people above him. I might be doing a whole lot to help but why should a high and mighty princess even bother about a lowly peasant? see the link?

your actions are so dependent on your mood. if you want things your way, it has to be that way. otherwise, you'd get irritated. once you get irritated, you wouldnt give 2 shits about the people around you. after that, you'd just simply say that you are tired and leave. the easy way out sure seems convenient.

tell me, what can I do? shout at you? you'd probably say that I'm temperamental person.

if for one second you think about how others feel, what would be the outcome? I really wonder cos I cant imagine such a scenario.

I hardly share my problems with you. the only reason why I keep things to myself is not to let you worry about me.

to start, you dont have to worry about me:
- smoking
- gambling
- cheating on you
- not being able to handle army life
- being sexually deprived

is it because you have nothing much to worry about me that makes you think that I can handle things on my own.

I'm sorry but to be honest, I cant. I need you.

in fact, I need a whole lot of support. especially from you. there are just some words that have to come out only from your mouth to make an impact on me.

I admit, I'm weak. I'm scared of what lies ahead. I'm always hesitant when it comes to decision making. I think too much only because I'm preparing myself for whats coming in front.

in order to move forward, I have to take 2 steps instead of 1. I might reach there faster but there is always the risk of falling. whos going to motivate me to push on? whos going to catch me if I should fall?

why is there a need to do so?

I'm better than who I originally was. that self-centered and over confident bastard that only cared about himself is becoming a thing of the past. as you can see, I'm still growing up.

I'm not like other guys.

I am me.

Jerry.

Jerry Lin Qiliang.

the person that you fell in love with in the 1st place.

because?

I wouldnt know that answer :) .

in short, I'm trying my best to be a good boyfriend for you so that you can sit at ease. all I ever want to see is that smile on your face. not the ones that I see in your pictures. they can never compare to the one that I see in front of me.

friends say that you are not being a good girlfriend for me. even so, I'm trying my best to convince myself otherwise.

for those who claim that she might be spending time with another guy outside, dismiss that assumption. I trust my girlfriend.

people, she is still young. she needs the time and space to grow up. even though it would lead to me being a very tired boyfriend, I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end. I trust that she would blossom into a fine young lady one day.

just somehow, some form of appreciation would be nice.

the 2 words "I understand" only means that I've taken a step back for you.

Jerry, you are such a fool.

I love her, so what do you want me to do about it?

geez, let me write a happy post once in a while.

" Dont make somebody else do it for you, go win it on your own. do that and you'll succeed. "

Kimi Dake Wo

2007-12-19T00:41:00.000+08:00

friendship. an interesting topic that came up while I was having supper with my little girlfriend.

Christelle: why you dont want to meet new friends?

this kinda topic, I cant really reply with one sentence alone. so here is an entire entry dedicated to it.

its only natural for pretty looking girls to have shitloads of friends, most of them consisting of guys. lets just say that guys like to know as many girls as they can. for what reason? well, guys just love to be with girls, period.

I too admit that I'd rather have girl friends as compared to guy friends. what do guys do together? drink? watch soccer? talk cock? at the end of the day, there is just no fun hanging around a bunch of guys all day.

there was this plan for my entire platoon to go on a Kbox outing. not surprisingly, the idea was rejected. why? the reason is simple. dont you find it boring to be stuck in a room filled with 40 over guys? when it comes to entertainment, girls have to be present. its the same as clubbing. the only reason why guys go is because of the girls.

guys in general are horny bastards. no doubt about it. they are just waiting for the perfect moment to strike so that they can get a girlfriend for themselves. being in a relationship is all about timing. I've seen countless of guys going after Yvonne despite the fact that she has a boyfriend.

there are 4365736562536523 girls out there to choose from but they only want Yvonne. for simple reasons, they go after her cos:

- she is friendly
- she is pretty
- she is tall ( I like tall girls a whole lot but I still dont know why I never fell for Von even once )
- her character is unique
- she zhao geng a lot

I've known Von for like 4 - 5 years now? I wouldnt say I know her inside out but close enough. basically, shes the kind who would always ask for help due to her lazy nature. when she says the magic word "please", guys would N E V E R say no to her. guys like girls to rely on them for some strange reason. it makes them feel needed in a way. often, this feeling could lead to the misconception that the girl is in love with him.

why do I say that? dont most girlfriends turn to their boyfriends for moral or financial support? bingo.

in a normal scenario if you want to woo someone, dont you think its better to woo the fella if you have the impression that he/she likes you as well? how would you know if he/she likes you? people can only guess by the way the signs that they see. everything is based on an assumption until the truth is said.

when the guy gets rejected by Von, a whole new emo story is written. guess who is the guy at Von's side listening to all her stories?

me.

I would always be the one telling her off, saying things like " you should have never been so friendly with him in the first place. always nip the problem at its bud". oh well, its not as if things has changed one bit though =).

I really admire her boyfriend for being so tolerant. if only I could be like him. I never thought that someone like Zheng Yi could be a role model for me.

in the real world, guys would tend to make friends with girls more than guys. what is the point of guys knowing more guys when most of them are the same? I mean, if you have your usual bunch of soccer crazy friends, why would you want to find another group of soccer crazy friends? there is no need to! however in terms of girls, lets just say they come in all shapes and sizes. that makes every girl different.

girls are different creatures all by themselves. they dont go out to make friends, friends will come to them. they only care about themselves & their boyfriends. the only reason why they'd be out with friends is because their friends asked them out. how often do you see a girl calling a guy out? usually, girls would call other girls out cos most guys dont know jack about shopping.

lets not talk about guys only. girls also have many girl friends. they need people to follow them shopping, bitching, clubbing, camera whoring. girls have all the fun dont they?

in conclusion, girls will have more friends as compared to guys.

for guys, we know other guys only because we cant find other people to play pool with, too shy to go clubbing alone, need someone to talk trash too when we're bored at work.

the above arguement is why girls will have more friends as compared to guys. now its time to say why I dont like to meet new friends.

at my age, its hard to find people that you can trust. we live in a dog eat dog society where everyone is just fighting for themselves. to get to the top, you'd definitely need some help along the way. once the objective is achieved, kick those who helped you along the way to the pits cos you know that they will turn to be potential threats.

I never knew about all these until I started working. its only then that I realise that the world is such an ugly place. I used to think that if I were to show kindness, I would receive that same amount of kindness back. how naive.

trust is one reason.

another reason would be that people like to call me out for gatherings. to be honest, I get so bored when its people that I've no common interest with. there is absofuckinglutely nothing interesting to talk about. I always end up being the one who tries to spice up the atmosphere by talking rubbish or asking pointless questions. yes it would keep everyone entertained but geez, its hard work damn it!

I'm quite sick and tired of it. thats reason number 2.

I find that understanding a person is really an interesting thing to do. people always have a side of them that they would not openly display in public. as time goes by and you get closer to that person, naturally you'd get to see a side of that person that not many would get to. to me, that is something worth getting to know.

thats why I always stick to a small bunch of people. the process of knowing a person like the back of your hand is long but it really keeps me interested.

if getting to know such a small bunch of people is considered to be so time consuming, how the hell would I be able to do the same for every single one? why add more friends to the equation when its already so tough to keep track of such a small group?

last reason, I love myself. I love myself so much that I wouldnt mind spending time alone doing the things that I like. I like the freedom of being able to do the things a like without the interferance of other people's opinions.

this entry is like so unorganised. well, cant be helped. I wrote whatever came to mind. thats why I was able to post this one up so quickly. I guess now I can head to sleep with one more thing off my mind.

night!